salinea: (chagall)
Lately it feels like more and more people are leaving LJ. It's been getting to me a lot. I really hate this. I hate people saying they're leaving and deleting their journals, I hate realising that people have just vanished out and not updated their journals for months or years, too. It feels like most of the life out of LJ (or DW for that matter) has been extinguished, I don't think I see enthusiasm much anymore elsewhere than in kink memes and other forms of anonymous memes (which frankly, I was never very fond of). I think a big part of it is, fandom has spread itself in other places, across different dimensions. Tumblr is great for fanart, gifs and more stream of consciousness squeeing (despite how much I hate the tumblr interface as well as the way people socialize on it and that is A WHOLE FUCKING LOT, and the more I use tumblr - I made an account a couple of months ago - the more I hate it :p); more in depth text based meta, reviews etc. are on various blogs, I guess. Fics are more simple to post on archives. Recs are handled via delicious (yes, despite the last debacle). And - what I miss most - the networking and befriending people based upon fandom, I guess maybe it's happening elsewhere too, on facebook or twitter or somewhere else I don't know about. But, and it's funny, that was one thing I used to criticise LJ for - the way it was mixing a whole lot of different things in the same place, the way it made us have to jungle all those things at the same time, the intersection of those spheres - which was sometimes unwieldy - but in retrospect feels like it was very productive in social interaction. Conversations bouncing from one journal to another, filled with ideas and joy and depth and silliness and resonance - when's the last I've seen that?

These days it doesn't feel like we get much into great conversations anymore. I dunno, maybe it happens elsewhere that what I pay attention to. I've been through a lot of fandoms - maybe too many - and at the same time I've always refused to follow the bandwagon of the next Big Fandom everyone else was following unless I was, you know, genuinely interesting in that big fandom (and most often I wasn't so much, instead I was more into skipping to another media/genre altogether!), which doesn't help keeping ties. And the biggest problem, I've really sucked about keeping my journal lively either, and I've deeply sucked at keeping lively conversation with others on their journals as well. Oh, I've done a lot of perfunctionary updating, so to speak, quick, shallow comments; and silly memes and I've tried to keep talking about fannish stuff - but... I haven't put in it a lot of myself into it. Big part of that was just depression, and not knowing how to deal with situation in life. I don't want to talk about this much. I don't like talking about it. It feels too shameful, and too vulnerable, and too embarrassing all at the same time. And as far as commenting, I have felt way too out of my depth as well as too numb often enough to have anything to say to people. And I always try to escape spirals of self loathing the same way, with avoidance and escapism; which hasn't ended very profitable for social interaction.

But I still treasure all those things. The friendships I have here - brittle and narrow though some of them may be - and the potential for fannish interactions. I depend on it so much. Maybe that is where I err wrong. Of course, things fall apart. Of course, people drift apart - that's not even a specifically fannish thing. Of course, people jump into the newest thing, and sometimes the newest thing isn't the newest fandom, or the newest kind of fanwork exchange, or the newest meme - sometimes it's the newest platform. What do you gonna do. Heh, it's not like I'm unlikely to jump onto the newest thing when it is to my taste, either.

Not sure where I am going with that. I guess I'd just like to have a reason to be hopeful about fannish networking, here or elsewhere, in a way that isn't just about clinging after past glories. Tell me there is some?
salinea: (smug)
1. Failed to go to epitanime this week end after all. Woke up too late I guess. x_x Only now am I suddenly regretting it a little bit. Oh well, not like I had any money to spend.

2. Watched Thor on friday (finally was showing on 2D at my nearby theater). Liked it overall. You know, there's still no Thor-related recs on my list of comics to be read. Just saying :3

3. Posted the ficlets in answer to everyone who prompted:

Title: Taunting
Fandom: Tokyo Babylon / X
Characters/Pairings: Seishirou/Subaru, Fuuma
Length: 328 words

Title: Rebel girl
Fandom: Revolutionary Girl Utena
Characters/Pairings: Juri
Length: 370 words

Title: Learn from the feet of the master
Fandom: Black Lagoon
Characters/Pairings: Balalaika/Revy
Length: 496 words

They're not great, but they're wri~ting, first since 2008, yay! Wouldn't mind getting more prompts, really :3

4. [profile] comicstore_news is missing an editor in case you have too much free time and feels like doing something selfless for fandom (it's good for finding good fanart on tumblr, if i say so).

Stuff

6 Feb 2011 08:12 pm
salinea: (OMG)
1. My sister is currently studying to become a Yoga teacher, so she started taking me up as a student in order to practice - which means I've started doing yoga, which is actually kind of neat.

2. I've started being an editor for [profile] comistore_news. I was feeling guilty about not giving back to fandom in any creative way lately ;)

3. I love joining a LJ community that seems like it's going to be cool and welcoming to all people and without any bullshit tolerated; and then the first time I join in a discussion (because I think that Utena, of all things, is a feminist show) it turns into aggressive grudgewank filled with flames I've ever seen. Still waiting to see if the mods are going to do anything before I leave but it doesn't look good so far. So much for that XD

4. For... I think mainly [personal profile] flo_nelja, I've actually ended up posting some of my quick-impressions-as-I-on-comics-I-read on rpg.net on this :thread . Sorry I suck so much at updating my lj thse days >_> (ideally I should crosspost or something).
salinea: (Default)
Oh for fuck's sake, how the do you find a fucking icon with some fucking text on it nowadays? Has that gone entirely out of style? I'm just trying to hunt some icons for Darker than Black and Pandora Hearts, perhaps Durarara, and I'm getting sick of all the fucking faces with cute fucking expressions. I want some conceptual icons.
salinea: (Default)

Your result for The Fan Fiction Personality Test...

The Mindgamer

Everything is possible, nothing is ever really over.

Fanfiction is a creative outlet for you. You don't intentionally write it, it just happens. You find inspiration in several fandoms, but are not obsessed with only one.


You like to explore "what if" situations. What if this character had never made this very choice? What if this event had taken place sooner, never, elsewhere? What if these people had never met?


You are likely to write Alternative Universes, fan seasons or sequels and just follow your (sometimes pretty strange) plot bunnies.

Take The Fan Fiction Personality Test at OkCupid




[Poll #1508022]
salinea: (Default)
It was pretty cool : saw a friends I don't see often, and saw friends I see often, listened to a few panels, got some books signed, met some writers, watched a couple of movies, played pool, caught a cold, and bought too many books.

Of the panels my favourite one to listen to was one about Fantasy and Folklore with Ellen Kushner, Pierre Dubois, Robin Hobb and Karen Miller, because they were a lot of spontaneous urban legens telling, even if there were relatively few relevent discussions. There was also a Roleplaying Game and Literary influences panel which was pretty fun to listen to, although few of the RPG exeriences of the people speaking wen't farther than Door-Monster-Treasure D&D playing. Hal Duncan's interview was fun despite the horrible translation going on (I know translating someone as they speak has to be the most difficult kind of translator job, but that had to be most horrible job even by the Utopiales' standard which is never great); but he's even more fun when discussing while drunk. I couldn't listen to Robin Hobb's interview because the interviewer was too crappy, and missed Richard Morgan's interview, althought when I caught bits of panels where he was at, he sounded very smart and interesting - I couldn't find my copy of Black Man before leaving , and none of his books were available in English at the local store so I couldn't so I couldn't get anything signed by him and didn't dare broach the subject of our previous discussion at Ran's board without that, though.

Of the movies I watched :
Nirvana, an early 90's cyberpunk movie with Christophe Lambert (where he's actually good, no, really), which was pretty fun, well told and not even much aged. Definetely interesting to watch to compare to the other movies made about virtuality and games as metaphores for level of reality eXistenZ, Matrix, Avalon.

Sleep Dealers a Mexican Science Fiction movie that's going to be released soon. It's actually very good and... credible, with the acting especially very fresh and realistic. The movie has a pseudo-documentary feel to it which works extremely well for it, reminded me a bit of BSG. In themes it tackles the idea of a wall between the US and Mexico, and Mexican workers working in the US via remote control of drones, as well as American soldiers fighting "aqua terrorists" with remote control drones... and it's very well done. It's interesting to see a move done with that kind of cyberpunk themes without having the noir & Blade Runner like aesthetics.

The Evangelion movie You are (not) alone which is pretty cool. Extremely close to the anime series if I can trust my memory (it's been, what, 10 years since I watched the series?), but awesome all the same visually and psychologically. I'm pretty happy of having watched it on a big screen. It's going to be hard waiting for the rest of the movies.

In terms of books I was wiser from previous years, I only bought The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier & Clay by Michael Chabon which I've been wanting to get for a while now since it's been recced to me repeatedly; Mary Gentle's Golden Witchbreed in the French translation which is probably unfindable in English and which I've already read but it was a long time ago and it was a bargain sale; one volume of Pierre Dubois's Grande Encyclopédie des Elfes et autres petites creatures which I've only been drooling on with envy for years and with a very pretty signatur and drawing ^_^; a couple of pulp fanzines and one short stories book by Sylvie Lainée which I read in the train back to Paris and which was ok but not great.

There was a cosplay contest which was also pretty fun to watch, and which my friend Isabelle won for the indiviual with a very impressive Mazinger. There also were a lot of various CLAMP characters, and I think one of them, the Chobits won for the group (it's true they had gorgeous dresses). I was pretty fond of those who did the XXXholic cosplay, too!

And that's about it.

I think having missed the start of nanowrimo, and having felt too sick since I got back, I'm dropping it without even starting, sorry!
salinea: (Default)
[Poll #1266990]

Also, what exactly would you put behind "unhealthy"? Is there some kinds of unhealthy which you are willing to ship and others which you draw the lines at (which ones, and why)? Don't hesitate to give some examples!

ETA: this is mostly due to the fact that some of the comments on this post by [livejournal.com profile] meganbmoore made me wonder if I was the only one.
salinea: (Default)
I've been thinking about intent and interpretation, in communication and art especially, seeing a lot of things popping on my friendlist and journal related to the same thing.

Writer's intent is why people like [livejournal.com profile] thecorbie think there might be a case against fanfics.

Intent is something that might be or might not be gotten, with a responsability that may or may not be rested on the writer, as per [livejournal.com profile] mithrigil's question here.

Intent is what shippers who ship a non canonical pairing are entirely disregarding when they ship still, as per [livejournal.com profile] a_white_rain criticizes here. (NB: spoilers for Avatar the last airbender's final at this link)

Intent of deconstructing the "Nice Guy" was probably part of what Dr Horrible was about, as [livejournal.com profile] curtana points out here, but which I've seen a lot of people misinterpret as a genuine nice guy whose manpain is oh-so-tragic. (NB: spoilers for Dr Horriblle at this link)

Intent is what doesn't really matter when people say they hadn't mean to be racist, sexist, homophobic, classist, ableist, elitist... if this is what is read by the people who have the best reason to complain of it. Intent, there, is only a way to claim their own priviledge, very often.

In terms of information, when we communicate, there is
1/ what we mean to say, what we intent
2/ what is actually said, in words, in text, in ink on the page, lines on the paper
3/ what is heard and understood by other people, how they interprete it, text and subtext - which is of course as multiple as there is different people.

2/ the text does not have intrasec meaning. There is a platonician ideas tied to it, of pure meaning, of true message. Information is only information because it's interpretated by someone with a brain and there is always always variations, minsinterpretation of intent within it. Because context is something that always infer on the interpretation, and nobody's got exactly the same context at the same time.

1/ intent I think doesn't matter all that much. In our culture, perhaps because of its moral value under Christianism, intent tends to be extremely valued in terms of responsability. However intent is something way to fickle to judge by : first because we don't know other people's intent, we just have to trust their word for it (in which there is yet another pitfall of misinterpretation), second because people may not know their own intent entirely, third because regardless of intent harms can be done as a result in any case. Also, for all of that, it is rude and disrespectful to presume of someone else's intent. It also shifts any discussion of blame from discussion of action/text to discussing a person themselves, which is offensive and often results in wank much more quickly as a result.

So we're left with interpretation.

Are all interpretation equal? Are some more legitimate than others? What makes one interpretation more legitimate than any other? And who's to blame for possible unfortunate (racist, sexist, ableist, homophobic, classist, elititist, etc.) interpretations?

For all that all interpretations are in parts subjective, I don't think they are all equal. If you've spent any time in fandom, you'll have noticed that some extremely extravagant interpretations are sometimes brandied (with or without seriousness). For all its subjectivity, any interpretation is still based on the text, so there are criteria to judged how acurate to the text it is. (No, I'm not going to go at length about the tools to judge that accuracy.)

However the nature of an interpretation also matters. Not all kinds of interpretation pretend to accuracy. Some are merely humouristic (crackful parodies and the like) for example.

Narrative interpretations as in fanfics are also something very different. They don't usually pretend to accuracy (since they're obviously not the original author). Narrative interpretation's legitimacy is based on its own artistic worth. Is it a compelling interpretation. Does it lend itself to a complex, rich, aesthetically-worthy story? This is what gives a fanfic, as interpretation, its legitimacy - the sheer richness of a culture of narrative dialogue and artistic creation.

Likewise with shipping. Historically the biggest backlash against specific non canonical ships (Harmony in Harry Potter and Zutara in Avatar the last airbender) have been because some of their shippers were pretending to some kind of accuracy. I don't think there's anything wrong in itself to make the pro Zuko/Katara interpretation [livejournal.com profile] a_white_rain mentions in the link above, however if such an interpretation is done while saying it is more accurate than any other interpretation there is a problem.

Of course some fanfics do work as criticical interpretations - only done in narrative form. They function as a meta commentary pointing out gaps in the text, or exploiting specific themes. (Some works as a commentary of other fanfics too! Ongoing dialogue that it is). When that is done, accuracy becomes again a criteria.

So what about the moral responsability? Who's to blame for dodgy interpretations? Well if an interpretation pretends to accuracy, and can judged as mostly accurate in consideration of the text, then the responsability sides more on the author's side. If an intepretation pretends to accuracy, but is mostly not accurate with the text, then the responsability is more on the side of the reader. If the interpretation doesn't pretend to accuracy, the author's responsability wasn't ever called in question in the first place.

This is not taking context in consideration, and context matters, does it ever.

First, I've been talking about what an interpretation pretends or does not pretend, but that pretension isn't always made explicit. That is to say, for example, most fanfic writers know they are not pretending to accuracy and know that most of their readers used to fanfics know this as well so they don't usually bother spelling it out. Which, I think, is in parts why outsiders seem to be much more worried about misinterpretation due to fanfics and mistaking the writer's intent for the fanfic. However a lot of fanfics do have a tradition of disclaimer, usually done in terms of "therse characters and settings are not mine". Close enough for me but I haven't been an outsider for a long time.

Second, of course, there's how context infers any unfortunate interpretation. Having a story where a lesbian dies and her girlfriend goes crazy isn't in itself homophobic. It is because there's a history of the very same trope being used overwhelmingly any time lesbian characters are featured, and because of the history of institutionalized homophobia that has been going for a long time in Western culture. So in terms of responsability the quest is, is the context from which the text originated is similar enough to the one from which this interpretation is done? At least it seems to me that this way that can work.

Done now. I hope that wasn't too anvilicious.
salinea: (Default)
LiveJournal is currently holding a vote for a user representative to serve on its Advisory Board. Many fen think that representative should come from a fandom background. If you agree, please cast your vote for three of the following candidates endorsed by fandom:

[livejournal.com profile] daniidebrabant
[livejournal.com profile] jmaynard
[livejournal.com profile] legomymalfoy
[livejournal.com profile] lordandrei
[livejournal.com profile] qfemale
[livejournal.com profile] randomposting
[livejournal.com profile] rm
[livejournal.com profile] sollitaire
[livejournal.com profile] tango
[livejournal.com profile] vichan

Here are summaries of their election platforms. The three fannish candidates with the best chances of winning (and their platforms) are listed here.

If you believe it's important for fandom to have a voice in the future of LiveJournal, please vote before 9:00 p.m. PDT on Thursday, May 29, 2008.


salinea: (Default)
1. A quizz


Who is your inner CLAMP character?
created with QuizFarm.com
You scored as Seishirou

You are like Seishirou Sakurazuka from Tokyo Babylon and X. Um... that's scary. People who do not know you very well may very well think that you are a kind and gentle soul - someone who loves animals and cares about the environment. But really, you probably couldn't care less. Your true nature is that you are a bit obsessive and antisocial. And maybe a bit of a stalker. And all of this would be a bad thing... if you weren't so damn cool.


Seishirou


92%

Fai


79%

Chii


71%

Kurogane


67%

Miyuki-chan


58%

Kamui


58%

Yuuko


58%

Kero-chan


54%

Hokuto


54%

Watanuki


38%

Sakura


25%




*dies laughing* I didn't do it on purpose, I swear!!

I've been in a bit more of a CLAMP-reading mood lately. Partially thanks to [livejournal.com profile] a_white_rain ♥ and now to [livejournal.com profile] mithrigil whom I've just discovered is a terifyingly good writer. Kinda make me want to see what else I've missed. Also, while reading Hikago (went on an archive binge there... ^^;; it's a lovely fandom to do that with because there's a lot of reclists everywhere, something I'd really missed when I was just getting into Avatar.), I saw that [livejournal.com profile] ontogenesis also wrote a lot of Kurogane/Fai fics and I'm wondering if it's worth catching up with scanlations in order to read them (pro:I hate being spoiled and I like the pairing, con:I don't enjoy reading manga on a computer screen much)
It also makes me want to start writing again and maybe finish all those WIPs *sighs*


2. I have not being good about reading Avatar fics, however :( and now I'm scared of spoilers and annoyed at the number of people who aren't careful about them. Hopely the rewatch is going to be fun; well I know it will be, it's Avatar ♥, but discussing it will be. Although it's already so much riddled with shipping wars I kinda want to scream and run away.


3. I've been thinking about femslash pairing since [livejournal.com profile] bitterfig asked me for my top five f/f couples; and you know, I had some, but I kinda feel like I don't have any big femslash OTP like I do with maleslash and het (and genderfucked); and I'd like to! I'd love for a femslash pairing to be my main interest in at least one fandom. The closest thing I have is Blackcest which is a whole category of its own being 'cestuous. Utena would be the closest other opportunity, but I don't really like Utena/Anthy, and I like Juri/Shiori more as part of a triangle. Then there's Kushiel's trilogy which has a lot of potential, but I just don't feel like looking up fics for that fandom.

So, I'm asking for recs from my flist :) Can you think of a fandom with a big f/f ship which I may love?

I'm pretty open about media, although I tend to prefer stuff that are read (books and graphic novels) slightly better than stuff that are watched (TV series, movies and anime) - err, no video game though; and my kinks go to antagonistic pairings, mindfuck, eros/thanatos, etc. I think I tend to prefer canon or heavily subtextual pairings to fanon ones, but I certainly have nothing against crackpairings and there's always exceptions! Otherwise, you know, SFF, symbolism and mythology rock my world :)
salinea: (Default)
Pat from Pat's Fantasy Hotlist (yes, the same who called Priviledge of the Sword chick lit ^^), re-posted a bit of an interview he did of Hal Duncan (who wrote Vellum and Ink - I reviewed Vellum over there - ETA: Hal Duncan also has a blog which you can check out) which really cracked me up :


Previous depictions of homosexual characters in fantasy/scifi books have always been somewhat clumsy and didn't ring true. And yet, instead of trying to get readers to "accept" it, you just went ahead and put Jack and Puck's relationship as a central storyline throughout both volumes. Was that intentional from the beginning? INK contains graphic sex scenes between the two, and I was wondering what sort of responses those sequences generated among readers and critics?

One of my pet hates is the fetishisation you get in certain types of fantasy, particularly vampire fiction, I have to say, where gay equals frilly shirts, sensitive pouts and lingering looks with doe-eyes. Man, at least slash is subversive in applying that aesthetic to straight characters, and at least slash has the guts to get down and dirty. That stuff is just softcore boy-on-boy goth porn. Even when it's not so deeply fetishised, there still seems to be a tendency to stereotype gays as refined rather than rough, fey rather than fiery, cats rather than dogs.

The second problem with gay characters in genre fiction is that they're generally marginalised as subsidiary characters, which smacks of PC tokenism. Yeah, so your heroine has a Gay Best Friend; big deal. So your team of heroes has a tagalong queer; I'm not impressed.

The last problem is that even when you get a fully-fledged protagonist they're generally just not genre enough. By which I mean, the writer feels the need to show that it's "normal" to be gay, so the characters are rendered in a Realist mode rather than as Romantic heroes. They're intelligent, sensitive portraits of gays as "just like everyone else". Bollocks to that. The fetishised gays are annoying. The marginalised gays are frustrating. But the normalised gays are just plain dull. I want a gay character who blows shit up. I want a gay James Bond, a gay Jerry Cornelius, a gay Superman, a gay Indiana Jones, a gay Clint Eastwood in Where Eagles Dare. Achilles wasn't normal. He was an uberfag, dragging Hector's body ten times round the gates of Troy for killing his boyfriend. Now that's what I call a hissy fit!


I see what he means about the first criticism (which one also finds in slash when people speak about "feminization" (sic) of characters), and I think the second exists in a few novels but not that many. I'm not sure I remember any instances of the third in genre fiction, but that may be because of the inherent blandness of such a character type. I actually think that there's a lot of interesting stories dealing with queer themes generally speaking in SFF but that's just IMHO.

It really amuses me when he says slash at least had the guts to get down and dirty ^_^ (I compared his work to specific kind of slash when I did my own review).

Thoughts?
salinea: (Default)
Howdy. My first official day of unemployment started with realising the internet wasn't working at home x_x happily, the thing got rectified this evening.

In case anybody wonders, I am not currently reading any HP fanfics. I'm not sure when I'll get the taste back (if ever?) feel free to defriend me if that fandom was all that interested you in me >_>;;

On the other hand, I'm finding more and more joy in the small and quiet but lovely asoiaf fandom. Yeah, I do mean fanfics. Lots of them are surprisingly good and well characterized, for those of you who love the books, would be curious and didn't know :p Theon's my new favourite character to slash srsly.

In a fit of madness, I apparently volunteered to write a [livejournal.com profile] ship_manifesto for Gerald/Damien. ^_^ That's going to be fun to do, even if there's an excellent essay on the ship out there which I can't surpass.
salinea: (Default)
I will not consider Pirates of the Caribbean / Mage the Sorcerer's Crusade crossovers. Especially not flashforwarded in the future. I will not.

Unless it's to take inspiration for Game Mastering.

And I won't even think of tarot decks.
salinea: (Default)
What [livejournal.com profile] chopchica said here : one big word to it. (also some very brillant things in the comment).

Christmas isn't universal. Making it into X-mas or whatever kind of pseudo-OEcumenist version doesn't make it universal.

It just makes it more oppressive.

At least when it's Christmas the very Christian religion I don't feel excluded as a human being for not practicing it. It's just the different traditions that different religions have.

Secret Santa are a great idea. I had a lot of fun participating in the Snupin Santa last year, and it brightened my month of December considerably. But fandom is always thriving to be all inclusive and pretty tolerant. So don't people be surprised if sometimes people feel grouchy about that.

down, down

1 Jul 2007 06:06 pm
salinea: (Default)
I've hit the can't be bothered to read fanfics wall so fast it's funny. I'm not sure if it's a book out in a month thing or a bored with HP fandom thing, or a bored with fanfics thing. (If it's a HP fandom thing, possibly PotC will take its place - half way there already).It's sad, though, because it means I'm all bored and in need for an obsession. If I don't have something to focus my mind on I just get overly anxious.

Also there's a dozen of started up fanfics which right I don't think I even have a chance at finished, which is rather sad. And th darkfic - the ones to read, and the one I should have written and I'd even had a very good title - it's a shame. Actually I'm supposed to write fanfics for at least two exchanges I think, I'm not sure if I'll be able to summon the interest.

How do people make themselves do things, generally speaking? I never could find the way - just sounds overly complacent of me but it's how it happens, either I'm motivated to do something, either I just can't. Even if it's something I actually want. Like some kind of knot tied in my stomach and squeezing if I even think of doing it. Like it was something incredibly difficult and complex to do when it's usually overly common and simple tasks - as simple and ordinary as breathing and walking. So im usually picking between feeling very bad about not doing something and just basking in self-loathing about not doing it but being no closer to actual action (which in a way is just as complacent), or skillfully avoiding thinking of it with shiny, pretty distraction. Neither option actually help action. Does anyone have advice?

Otherwise I'm reading KJ Parker's Evil for Evil and knowing full well that she was going to break my heart in it doens't make t any easier to bear. I swear it's the closest thing to darkfic I've ever read (that's a lie, there's plenty of dark novels out there - serious, upstanding stories like Lord of the fllies or 1984 but I don't usualy love the characters so much in those storie, somehow the aesthetics doesn't feel the same).

Yesterday I went to a RPG night at an association, playing Scion. That was one of the worst work of GMing I've ever seen, really really awful, almost no initiative at all, nor any sense of roleplay. I escaped before the last subway pretexing a headache. I had a friend at the same table whom just told me he also ran away actually saying he didn't have any fun XD

That kind of misadventure apart, I'm really feeling more motivated by RPGs than I've been in a long while. Today I've been one page open to buy of The Mortal Coil wondering whether it was worth it or not. It looks like a terrific game, but I'm not sure I have a table to play it. Maybe Aurel. I'd have to ask if there'd be interested.

I feel like I spend way too much time buying stuff which I never use. There's funny thing about buying in that way. Feels goog buying stuff, but then it all sorts of fall down because you never have enough time (even if you did, you wouldn't). Sorts of end up being a game of prioritizing and focussing but somehow it doesn't really feel better.

That's all for today.

ETA: LJ just told me my account is expiring soon XD so, should I give them more money? I incline in thinking "no".
salinea: (Default)
While browsing, today, I happened onto a link to this essay on Why do fanboys hate fanfics, especially slash and This is Our Garden. We Like It.. The article fits in a context of several commentaries a few weeks ago about the exclusion of the female experience of fandom by the majorly male fandom - some of which I saw at the time, some of which I missed.

[livejournal.com profile] cupidsbow's essay How Fanfictions makes us Poor which I already linked to was part of it too, I think.

Anyway, there's a lot of stuff on these discussions that made me angry as a woman against the systemicized sexism in fandom... but there's also something about the issue of gendered fandoms that really upsets me.

I've spent a majority of my "fandom life" within male dominated fandoms - first generalist Science Fiction newsgroup then Roleplaying Games clubs and forums. The kind of places where women make about 10 to 20% at most of the overall population. I've had to suffer to a lot of sexism, outright misogyny and sexual teasing. I went along with it because I wanted into the fandom and I didn't know anywhere else to get it and also because I'd been ostracized and bullied enough previously that the attention as the token girl and object of sexist and sexual jokes seemed actually an improvement.

Later on, I found some previously more mixed fandoms. ASOIAF has got, I think, about 40% of women at Ran's board. The part of Buffy's fandom I frequented, Masq's awesome ATPoBtVS had, I believe, a majority of women with a very significant male presence as well.

But it's only when I joined the Clamp's Tokyo Babylon/X's fandom in 2004 on Livejournal that I really found myself within female dominated fandoms. Fanfics as a fandom is extremely majorly made of women, I don't think men make more than 5% of it. In many ways the resulting dynamic rather surprised me. There's a lot I enjoyed from it. The welcome of feminist and queer-friendly values for one, and the warmth of people. No more dissing the female SF writers, or fantasy as a whole, or other ridiculous stuff.

There's also some things I disliked, such as the frowning upon any kind of disagreement/non positive comments, and all the things people sometime characterize as the "Cult of Nice". I'm not sure I'm so much more a fan of the Cult of Mean either, which is often horribly self-entitled, but I love debate, and I love getting helpful constructive criticism, and sometimes I'm being an ass in a discussion and I need someone to point it out to me politely (after which I can cool off then appologize). I also miss a bit of the obsessive mapping out details and powers and worldbuiling elements and stuff. Actually screw this, because people do it just as compulsively in female fandom, what I do miss is obsessive symbolical and thematic analysis which seems to catter to specific fandoms regardless of the gender makeover. What I do occasionnaly miss in female fandom is the way people don't seem to get the inherent kicking-ass awesomeness of ninja and pirates (unless talking of Jack Sparrow I s'pose) and Kung-Fu Jesus and heroin-pissing dinosaurs*

So when I get annoyed with that side of fanfic fandom and want a little bit of the other side I miss, I get back to lurking at, say, the RPG.net board, where I can see someone explaining his dilemna about one of his player telling him "No bitches at the table"

Insert visual of me face palming.

Lately it feels like I've seen more and more people talking in terms of fangirls and fanboys. The categories were new to me, but apparently they come with specific, different stereotypes where the fanboy is your everyday Dork and the fangirl squeals a lot about characters/actors being hotties. I've seen at least one person say she wouldn't like to identify as a fangirl but that it was okay for the fanboy because the stereotype had somewhat mellowed and become more hype and cool since big geeks like Joss Whedon, Kevin Smith and Tarantino started taking over Hollywood or something whereas the fangirl stereotype was still depraciated as hell which rather rejoined the whole point of the essay I mentionned at the start of this post.

But behind this I also get the impression that it's true to people. That women and men are whole different brands of fen, that they want something radically different from the text, that they play differently with the toys. That they don't fit in the same sandbox.

I'm not a fangirl. I'm certainly not a fanboy either. I'm a fan. Period.

I'm a fan who likes fanfics and roleplaying games, obsessive symbolical analysis, sociological meta, compulsive reviews of details and powers and worldbuilding stuff, and occasionnaly even fanart and fanvids and of course, the books/shows/texts too. It's all one for me.

It's not that I disaprove of what the essay talks about, about the whole fact that women said 'it's a big internet', took their stuff and the toys given by the text, and used them to play with it in their very own female space. I think that's really cool and proactive and awesome.

It's the fact that what I'd like to call my garden would be a place with equal parts of male and female point of views and welcome them all - just for the sake of diversity. (And gays, and non Americans, and gender queers, and Blacks, and people who don't have always a very correct syntax, and, and, and, too)

There's the question of whether it'd be even possible. If being just an even fraction of "regular" fandom would mean that the female part be co-opted and the female experience of fandom end up marginalized as it's once more 'All about the boy'.

I'd like to believe that it is. I've known places on the internet that were at least a little bit like this. That doesn't mean that they should not be female spaces as well...

But I'd really love to belong, myself, to a non-gendered fandom. I think that's the place where I'd be the more at ease.

Is that a bad thing to want?



* this is an obscure reference to the Role Playing Game Exalted which has canonically dinosaurs who eat Opium and pisses Heroin. It's a lucrative business. Exalted isalso an awesome game where homsexuality, gender queerness, bestiality, incest, and reincarnated magical bonds are all canon. It's a bit like the Harry Potter fandom of roleplaying games that way.

ETA: -- Spoilers for A Song of Ice and Fire - A Storm of Swords in the comments --
salinea: (Default)
You know I'm totally failing at fandom right now. I only read one story of the [livejournal.com profile] snarry_games,I haven't tried reading fics recced by newsletter in ages, I'm not even considering trying to follow Remix, I'm not readng the fics that we recced to me, and I'm barely reading from the comms I've joined. I even hardly have the focus to concentrate on fanfics by writers I love.

I'm afraid I'm getting tired of fandom. I think HP has been my longest fandom to be in actively at this point. (I was in ASOIAF for about two years, BtVS for a year and a half, one year and some for Exalted, and about a year and a half too in Tokyo Babylon, IIRC). I think it's probably more that I'm tired with lots of things. Very bored with work, for one.

First turn of the French elections also rather disapoint me. Which is silly because there were little to hope for in the first place. The left is doing the same mistake the American left has done for years, which is to count on anti-Sarkozy feeling to get elected instead of having a good program themselves. They forgot about being no such thing as bad publicity.
salinea: (Default)
I have succumbed to the lure of the Crush Meme


Crush this person!
Get your own ThisCrush.com CrushTag!


I've been thinking for a while now about creating a Percy exhaustive newsletter, because, well, there needs to be one! (if there is one already and I didn't know about it, please point it up to me)... but I'm afraid I wouldn't have the time and fortitude to manage that *sighs* If I did, on a purely hypothetical basis, would anyone be interested into co-managing it?
salinea: (Default)
I've been following [livejournal.com profile] aubrem's very interesting lattest discussion about decentralisation with attention (LJ's tracking device rocks mightily, I cannot say that too many times ♥). Being both a Snape/Lupin OTPist and a very big fan of dark fictions, I feel, of course, concerned.

cut for lengthy reasonning )

A Poll is there under the cut )
salinea: (Default)
One of the funny thing with HP7 release date's annuncement is how everyone is making angsty posts at their journal telling about their fear about the death of a favourite character (Snape, Remus, Lucius, Draco, Harry, what have you...)

musings cut for teh spoilerz )

So what do I fear for Book7? Mostly I fear silly characterization about my favourite characters that won't be easily fixed. Specific canon facts that will contradict future fics I won't have time to finish before June. And Severus/Lily *shudders*

Then again, last time the only thing I was fearing was JKR messing up with my idea of Regulus and then she did, but I loved it XD

I just hope I won't be disapointed.

But she can kill anyone she wants as far as I'm concerned.

Especially if the death is cool

*waves Bring on the Angst flag*
salinea: (Default)
Reading Sirius/Lily fics is the weirdest thing to me. I always expect to hate them - I should. But all of those I've read were strikingly good, sexy and well characterized (which is weird because Sirius betraying James like that should feel like the epitome of wrong, not to mention how everybody-loves-Lily annoy me). I mean I still hate Lily in these fics - which is normal, there's nothing about Lily I should not hate, even when she's well characterized in a way that goes beyond her Sueness - but I also find her very hot. And it's a kind of het that could be so clichéd it should hurt. But it works still. Okay it helps that it's Sirius, which I almost always love. Or maybe it is because all of these fics (the three or four of them ^^) were just that well written.
salinea: (Default)
So I was reading today a great many posts and essays about writing sex and the nature of slash, and that was reminding me of something I wanted to say about what I liked in fanfics (slashy or not, though always of the transgressive kind) which was non-romantic sex, or sex as metaphor, and which is, in great part, why I love the kind of fanfics and pairings that I love.

By sex without romance, I mean a great deal of stories that explore situations that are sexualized,without there being a couple in the most classic sense of the word,where there may be 'love' by the wide definition of the term but not something that is necessarily romantic love with all the tropes, roles and assumptions that go with it, or when, if there is indeed romantic love, it is associated with feelings supposedly contrary to it - such as hatred.

Antagonistic pairings are popular. In a way, it is a popular trope in and of itself. However, the majority of Antagonistic stories are more likely to be focussed on the star crossed lovers theme, on transforming such a relationship into romance, than into exploring the relationship as hatred, as rivalry, as a power struggle through sexual means - which is more accurately what I mean though borders may be blurry.

Beyond hatesex and hate/love pairings, there are other ships that meet for me that button. Just today [livejournal.com profile] bramblyhedge was talking about her love for boss/employee relationship, a relationship where it is also usually considered improper to sexualize. Another obvious case is incestuous pairings - of which I don't have many but I do have some. In some cases (though less often) cross gen may apply, and even friendship sex (though because it's such an obvious fodder for romance in slash fanfics it must be written with the specific purpose of not crossing that boundary at least for one of the two character - and that's how I love me James/Sirius).

My point is that sex is a rather wide spectrum of interacting with people. In a way, we are consciously or unconsciously sexually aware of everyone we meet. It's got little relevance to how many people we actually want to fuck, but it is nonetheless there. Because sex is, as this, an almost universal subtext of all relationship it can be used as the form through which to explore any relationship whatsoever. Which is where I reach the idea of sex as metaphor for the action of being in an intense relationship, even if the relationship isn't by nature romantic.

Sex is handy as such because it's performative. If you click to a non romantic relationship, familial, friendship, enmity etc. and want to explore it, you can build scenarii to make it into a story where it reaches a climax, where the relationship is consumed, yes. However such scenarii can feel incomplete, or too little intense, or overly cumbersome. Fact is we have very few rituals that express the intensity of relationships as strongly as sex does. Nobody doubts that sex expresses something strongly (no matter how casual it may be!) because it takes you, body and mind, to a different place of interacting ... while declaration of eternal friendship lack a certain something.

There are other solutions, still. And actually a lot of these solutions are used by fandom while still through the shippers goggles : such as the saving each others' life trope, hurt/comfort, sacrifice, self sacrifice and killing.

But even with these alternatives, sex is still a favourite of lots of people. It may accompany a story in a wonderful way.

And, this is something I was realizing as I was reading the first links about the writing sex... these are the kind of sex scenes that I like. Not necessarily the non romantic ones (though I do love them in general); but the sex scenes that tell a story, that are an intraseque part of the narrative and where something happens through them. I don't care for PWP - gratuitous sex - but I don't mind a story which is only comprised of sex as long as the sex actually is a story, where something happens through it which leads to a little more than an orgasm. This, I find mightily hot.
salinea: (Default)
Do people writing this kind of advices about how to deal innocuously with a fic gift that you don't really liked realize that fic writers are going to over-analyse and agonize over innocuous received feedback wondering if everything not specifically and directly praised was a criticism in hiding or is that only me?

meh, I'm feeling remarkably melancholy tonight, I don't know why. I might be starting to do a fanfic reading overdose @_@

Some days I really hate living on a different timezone than most of the people I know from fandom. Especially days when I would really like to hit off someone on im and just chat about something.
At some point, when I was a student and barely going to classes anyway, i was mostly living in the American timezone. I was going to bed at 6am and getting up at 2pm, playing rpg online or reading fanfics all night. It was dizzy and feverish and not exactly happy days... but... I do miss the part where I could talk online instantly with people. I love spontaneity in dialogue, which is something I find missing in livejournal in general. People have such a different "voice" in IM/IRC and when you talk to them in differed time. *yawns* When's the next snupin chat?

Much love to all of you, which is something I should be saying more often. You rock.
salinea: (Default)

Why do this guy pisses me off so much? It's just an idiot who can't read, somehow it irks me incredibly. Oh well, cue my arguing against the selfishness of Slytherins. Once more.

So this evening I had forgotten my keys inside (door locks itself up) so I had to go back at my parents' to pick up extra keys and get back home = 2 hours. Home at last. A least it was an occasion to pick up my old Japanese notes. Did I mention I'm starting back on studying Japanese? Well, I did, last week. I was happy to find out I had not quite forgotten everything. Still a lot to re-familiarize me over.


Meme, plundered at sword's point from [livejournal.com profile] laurus_nobilis:

Name a character, and I will tell you in no less than 100 words why I love him/her.

I did it once before, so no asking the same characters ^_^

Shiver me timber!

salinea: (Default)
Happy birthday [livejournal.com profile] stanayitnuh ! ♥

Sometimes Fandom really does puzzle me. But, I've been recced at [livejournal.com profile] quibbler_report and [livejournal.com profile] hogwarts_today so very much yay of the OMGBBQ-jumping-up-and-down kind.And let's not whine about the lack of comments.

Otherwise, having lots of fun discussing Remus' character here. Where I also started that Slytherins were not selfish :D

I know I tend to have a much darker interpretation of Remus than most people, and I probably go a bit too far with it, but I do think that a lot of people go overboard in the other direction (lots of fanon!Remus annoy me ^^)

Actually I could spend some time sporking fun at fanon!Remus in many ways (Saint!Lupin who is ever so good and kind and sacrificing; Bookish!Lupin who's shy and the smartest kid of his class regardless that James and Sirius were canonically just as smart or smarter; Alpha Wolf!Lupin with the super sense of smell to detect lies and horniness and who likes to bite his SO to mark his dominance - this one is more amusing than annoying - and so on ^^)

It's not of course that I think that Remus is an evil character. He has many qualities. He shows kindness to Harry and Neville, he's a very good teacher, he's courageous and selfless enough to fight in the Order despite how much the WW treats him badly.
But I do think he's got lots of failings, and I find that his failings make him much more interesting. And most of them are about how he deals with other people.

In many ways Remus reminds me of Anthy Himemiya from Shoujo Kakumei Utena, which I know is a weird parallel to make, but here.
spoilers for Utena )

On another subject altogether, funny link about Pluto's demission as a planet (awww, poor Pluto XD)

ETA: Last, LJ seems to be very irregular about sending me mail notification of comments. I do receive most notifications, but if I check, I can see there's a few comments for which I've never received any. And it's been a few weeks now and I receive not late notification either, so it's starting to piss me off.

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