I posted to that discussion - actually i keep meaning to go back and comment. I'm a slash fanfic reader, but I think see it as an interest that tends to be female rather than an interest that is defined by femaleness. I'm close to a number of fanfic-reading guys who quite frankly struggle with being part of the female-dominated group here on LJ just as you have had tricky experiences elsewhere.

I do see us all as fans, who tend to express things in different ways, with this group over here tending to do X more than the other group I wonder if women write men out of their part of fandom because it makes life simpler; but personally I like the interaction and I value the difficult questions that it makes me ask myself about my interests.

I struggled with the responses on that blog because the writers are pretty hardline about their views. I can see why some people might see it that way, but yes, I'd prefer ungendered.