down, down

[salinea]

I've hit the can't be bothered to read fanfics wall so fast it's funny. I'm not sure if it's a book out in a month thing or a bored with HP fandom thing, or a bored with fanfics thing. (If it's a HP fandom thing, possibly PotC will take its place - half way there already).It's sad, though, because it means I'm all bored and in need for an obsession. If I don't have something to focus my mind on I just get overly anxious.

Also there's a dozen of started up fanfics which right I don't think I even have a chance at finished, which is rather sad. And th darkfic - the ones to read, and the one I should have written and I'd even had a very good title - it's a shame. Actually I'm supposed to write fanfics for at least two exchanges I think, I'm not sure if I'll be able to summon the interest.

How do people make themselves do things, generally speaking? I never could find the way - just sounds overly complacent of me but it's how it happens, either I'm motivated to do something, either I just can't. Even if it's something I actually want. Like some kind of knot tied in my stomach and squeezing if I even think of doing it. Like it was something incredibly difficult and complex to do when it's usually overly common and simple tasks - as simple and ordinary as breathing and walking. So im usually picking between feeling very bad about not doing something and just basking in self-loathing about not doing it but being no closer to actual action (which in a way is just as complacent), or skillfully avoiding thinking of it with shiny, pretty distraction. Neither option actually help action. Does anyone have advice?

Otherwise I'm reading KJ Parker's Evil for Evil and knowing full well that she was going to break my heart in it doens't make t any easier to bear. I swear it's the closest thing to darkfic I've ever read (that's a lie, there's plenty of dark novels out there - serious, upstanding stories like Lord of the fllies or 1984 but I don't usualy love the characters so much in those storie, somehow the aesthetics doesn't feel the same).

Yesterday I went to a RPG night at an association, playing Scion. That was one of the worst work of GMing I've ever seen, really really awful, almost no initiative at all, nor any sense of roleplay. I escaped before the last subway pretexing a headache. I had a friend at the same table whom just told me he also ran away actually saying he didn't have any fun XD

That kind of misadventure apart, I'm really feeling more motivated by RPGs than I've been in a long while. Today I've been one page open to buy of The Mortal Coil wondering whether it was worth it or not. It looks like a terrific game, but I'm not sure I have a table to play it. Maybe Aurel. I'd have to ask if there'd be interested.

I feel like I spend way too much time buying stuff which I never use. There's funny thing about buying in that way. Feels goog buying stuff, but then it all sorts of fall down because you never have enough time (even if you did, you wouldn't). Sorts of end up being a game of prioritizing and focussing but somehow it doesn't really feel better.

That's all for today.

ETA: LJ just told me my account is expiring soon XD so, should I give them more money? I incline in thinking "no".

Comments

[kethlenda.livejournal.com]

How do people make themselves do things, generally speaking?

With a lot of headdesking. :)

Sounds like you need a fandom break. Or at least an HP fandom break. *hugs*

[etrangere.livejournal.com]

With a lot of headdesking. :)
XD

Yeah, I'm pretty much officially on a fandom break right now. I just need to leav a few more comms ^^

*hugs*

[valis2.livejournal.com]

When I don't want to do something, I'm just like a little kid. I hate doing it, I hate even trying to motivate myself to do it. The only thing that usually works is to grit my teeth and just think about the other side of the task...how happy I'll be when I've finished.

[etrangere.livejournal.com]

Thanks, I'll try that ^^

[nehalenia.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry you're feeling bored with the fandom and fics, but that seems to be going around. I am still deeply entranced with HP, and will be for some time no doubt, but about mid-July I just went "whuf!" and felt like the air had gone out of me. I'm still writing, reading and commenting, but it does seem to take more effort these days.

As for writing what you don't want to write, well, I try not to get myself in that situation, mostly, but sometimes it happens. I recently had to drop from a fest I had really looked forward to because I just couldn't get the fic to cooperate.

The only thing that seems to work for me is finding a new angle you can be excited about; possibly a different POV or a plot twist you hadn't thought of before. Brain-storming with like-minded friends almost always helps me, if only because it gets my own thoughts moving. Once I'm excited about something, I don't usually have to much difficulty with motivation.

Personally, I hope this is all just a summer malaise and will soon pass. I'd hate to see you leave HP fandom.

[etrangere.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I think that fandom weariness is just one of these things that happen. I tend to keep interested in a fandom about 1 year to 2 years so HP is already on a long side for me ^^
But ofcourse there's the people and the community which makes one want to stay ^^

I didn't mean specifically writing, althought that's one^^with luck one of them is a Black story so it wouldn't be as hard as anything else. The other's a Percy story so who knows?*

I need more likeminded friends. I have too few people on IM because of the timezone diffs.

Thanks for the advice ^^

I ^can't imagine I'll ever get weary of Snape/Black if it makes you feel better!!

[nehalenia.livejournal.com]

Yes, it makes me feel immensely better. ;-)

Percy, huh? That's a tough one. Maybe this is more procrastination than inspiration, but if I'm having trouble with a character, I try to find some fics that use the character well and just see what other people do with him/her. I remember reading a Snape/Percy one time against my better judgment, but it was really quite good. Now I think of it, I believe I might have read two that I liked. Wish I could think of them now....

[masqthephlsphr.livejournal.com]

Keep your LJ, but let the paid account lapse. It will keep an S2 layout as it is, you just can't alter it to anything but free layout styles.

[etrangere.livejournal.com]

Yeah,I was thinking of doing that ^^

Except that last time I did that I eventually got tired of the slowness of LJ so that's when I shifted back to bought time.

[masqthephlsphr.livejournal.com]

It gets slower when you don't have a paid account?

[etrangere.livejournal.com]

it looked to me that way. might be wrong.

[bitterfig.livejournal.com]

I'd hate to see you leave the Harry Potter fandom. You're one of those readers that makes me want to write at a level you deserve and I think knowing you read my stories has pushed me to be a better writer. Maybe the new book will re-spark your interest. I suspect there's going to be a creative outpouring in the fandom after it comes out. I know I've been holding back the past few months and not writing very much Harry Potter because I don't want to spend a lot of time and energy on a story that's going to be made obsolete when Deathly Hallows comes out.

[sakanagi.livejournal.com]

If you're feeling tired of reading fanfics, then I'd recommend just reading ordinary books for a while. The same thing with fanfic writing- maybe you could spend the time on original writing instead? On the very few occasions when fandom has got on my nerves, those have been the things which worked for me. Fandom's supposed to be fun, so I'd hazard a guess that forcing yourself to participate is more likely to put you off it than anything else is.

As for burning out in regard to specific fandoms, I can't think of anything to do about that except to perhaps look at other fandoms for a while and then go back later and see if anything's changed. (This is a very vague guess, since I don't usually ever get leave any fandom of mine unless all the fanfiction writers I like have stopped writing.) With a fandom the size of HP's, I think it's no wonder that people might be getting worn out.

I really do have to read Evil for Evil sometime. I liked the first book, though I'm not nearly as in love with the writing as you are. I feel a bit concerned that my favourite characters might be going to meet a sticky end at some point. (Or rather, the way that first book was heading, I'm sure that they will.)

[azure-empress.livejournal.com]

Everyone can need a break from stuff, go for a run in the sun, sleep an hour in a local park. You know the drill.

Perhaps I could tempt you with a online game of Exalted? Runs Sunday evenings by Bog Mod. Good harmless fun with blood and carnage and cold dark hearts. ^^