salinea | 13 Aug 2004

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13 Aug 2004

found from

hiragizawa

( 100 questions for X )

People post about Seishirou at

togakushishrine ! Now !

EDIT : ( that FMA quizz )

Current Mood: giggly
Current Music: X TV 2 - Tada Hitotsu no Nozomi

I feel very weird today.

Why do I never know how to say the right thing ? Why am I so reluctant to tell people I love them ? Why are the people I care the most for the ones I have the most difficulty to talk to, to really give something ?

I don't use this nickname randomly. I guess, sometimes I just want to remain a stranger. It's safest. Not only because it protects me, but because that means people can't demand things of me. I can be real coward about an area of certain things.

But... there are people I care about, who suffers around me. Who live time of deep grief. And I hate myself for not being able to properly to tell them how sorry I am for them, what their friendship mean in my life, and that I care immensely for them. But I do.

I guess I just have a very hard time dealing with that third of existence that is "Others". I can deal with myself - I think I know my own mind pretty well. And the world - well it is an immensely complicated things, but I love the world, I love life, I love all the things around the sun, all the colours, all the faces. It's cruel and beautiful, and sometimes I don't know if I'm capable of facing it - but I love the world anyway.

With "Others" I'm always misstepping. Dancing along the distance not knowing quite what is the right one. I'm always pretending, wondering "is this proper ?" "is this all right ?" "Is it too close or too far ?" "Do I appear too presumptuous ?"

I have a shitty depth perception when it comes with dealing with relationship.

Current Mood: embarrassed

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