Once a Stranger

Watched the first two episodes of Yuri Kuma Arashi.

Not sure what to make of it yet… but I think my favorite bit of symbolism is the only male characters present being the judges putting the characters’ love on trial as the arbitrators of beauty, coolness and sexiness. Yeaaaaaah.

Quite a lot of stuff on invisibleness, too. Hmm.

The song "This is why we fight" kind of annoy me, especially in FST, because they never actually say why they fight.

If you use tags as a way to make pithy metatextual comments, and not as a way to organise posts; I JUDGE YOU.

I've just finished watching Mushishi. After having tried to stretch it to max by watching an episode only now and then in order to lengthen the pleasure as long as possible. Now I'm sad.

I think I'm more of a racing through something when I like it, but there are exceptions when I prefer to watch/read it slowly. Of course the nature of the work influences that, the pacing may be more suited to waiting and pondering between episodes. But generally speaking, I prefer to have the whole of something before my eyes before starting, and I prefer to go through it quickly. For example there are few manga I read as soon as the scanlations go up because I'd rather wait for a whole volume before reading it, otherwise I feel like the story is in shattered pieces. When I really anticipate something, too, I'd rather wait to be in the proper mood, and right moment to properly concentrate on it. What do you guys think? When you like a story, do you prefer to race through to get to the end, or to slow down and savour it?

So I've seen a lot of clever things said about Dr Horrible. About women in refrigirators and Nice Guys and everything, both pro and anti, and more subtle. I guess Dr Horrible is kinda like thatNew Yorker's cartoon in a way.

I can't say I was crazy about it, myself. I mean, I thought it was cute and that the songs were pretty good, but I didn't like the story, mostly for it lacks of originality. I loved the Season 6 of Buffy, which I thought basically made the same points, but better, and Dead Things packed more punch. Yeah, the Troika never sang anything in Once More with Feeling - I guess if they had it would have basically been Dr Horrible? And maybe the Troika wasn't so very much about the Nice Guys, but then again, seeing most everyone who doesn't identify as a feminist's reaction to it, Dr Horrible definitly failed in that respect a well.

Oh well we always have Randy Milholland, at least.

Do you think you need to believe in God to pray?

Sometimes, I want to pray for something, but because I'm agnostic, I kinda feel awkward.

In Zelazny's Creatures of Light and Darkness, there's this agnostic prayer :

Insofar as I may be heard by anything, which may or may not care what I say, I ask, if it matters, that you be forgiven for anything you may have done or failed to do which requires forgiveness. Conversely, if not forgiveness but something else may be required to insure any possible benefit for which you may be eligible after the destruction of your body, I ask that this, whatever it may be, be granted or withheld, as the case may be, in such a manner as to insure your receiving said benefit. I ask this in my capacity as your elected intermediary between yourself and that which may not be yourself, but which may have an interest in the matter of your receiving as much as it is possible for you to receive of this thing, and which may in some way be influenced by this ceremony. Amen.

which I think is awesome. First because it's hilarious, second because "yay, agnostic prayer". The idea hat yes, you can express something religiously without renuncing what being agnostic means, and you can do beautifully. Which is odd, I don't think many people see agnosticism as a commitment. I mean, even atheism is more of a pronounciation of faith (in the non existence of God) than agnosticism. But, if I call myself an agnostic that's because for me it's the position I can hold which is the most honnest with myself. And that honnesty, of sincerity is something important for me.

So there's prayers as rituals. As parts in ceremonies in formalized religions. I never have any problems with those, because I see themas a commitment to a community, to its forms and culture. And judaism as a cultural identity, and belonging to the jewish community is something that's important for me.
Or if I'm there as a guest to a religious ceremony which I don't belong to, I see that as a simple form of respect and politeness to my hosts.
So I don't think you need to believe in G*d for those prayers.

There's the time when it's an expression of caring and wishing well someone. Well, usually I just write/thing "sending positive thoughts to you" or "I hope things are going to improve for you". Sometimes I don't really put it into words. But some people would say "I pray for your wel being". So, is that a prayer?

There's when you look around you, and the world is beautiful, and people are many, diverse, rich, and they all feel and act, and you're overwhelmed with it and you just want to say "thank you, thank you". I don't think I need to believe in God to be grateful to be alive and to live in the world. Because that expression is its own goal, you know? And I don't really always put it into words either, but it does feel like a religious feeling in a way.

Then... that's what I was getting earlier. I wanted a prayer to say "help me not being arrogant, self righteous and patronizing, and not thinking I know better than others." It could be anything of course; about selfishness, or courage, or to escape self loathing and despair. Anything about moral strength or wisdom. It's more of a resolution or a vow you make to oneself, so you don't really need to believe that something out there will help you with that, because it's really about the fact that expressing this resolution helps you holding it, right? Putting it into forms is helpful, is meaningful.

Any thoughts?

I had a long week end. 1st of May is Labour Day and a Holiday in France, and my work had given us the Monday free to make a "bridge" (not a free, free day, it's a free day among a specific number of free day we're supposed to have anyway); and I'm depressed because I didn't manage to do anything much during this time.

I went to the movie theater, though. We went to see "Life of Others" which was really, really good. Though I found it was slightly self-indulgent in parts, and I was a little bit uneasy about the thing about women, but overall a great movie.

By the way, the Earthsea movie was just as bad as expected. I didn't hate watching it as much as I should have because I read the books so long ago I was half remembering throughout without being able to compare, and because I love watching animation even when it's subpar, but it was really not that great.

And Sunday, I missed out Bog's game because I was trapped at a friend's house by a thunderstorm, but we finished watching all of Slayers : Next, which was great. (I'm in Xelloss withdrawal as I speak ^^)

While looking for Slayers fic to remedy to my withdrawal, funnily enough, I found a Snupin fic by amanuensis1 (of all people), and an mpreg fic at that, and I loved it, and I'm not a big mpreg lover.
Here it is : Random drabble
Read it and then don't kill me.

And I tried writing, but I don't think I managed to write more than two lines in one specific fic. No very much inspired.
I've been looking at all files of half-finished fics too. It's amazing the number of started-never-finished fics I have out there. (well not amazing, I s'ppose, but given how ot prolific I am...). I even found a Kotori fic that looked finished, and a Salazar/Godric preslash fic. And lots of other stuff I never finished... it's a bit depressing.

I didn't even manage to clean a bit. My sink is getting so dirty molds have civilizations building skyscrappers in it. I shall not mention my bathroom.

Otherwise I've been reading The Princess Bride. Wached the movies many times, but had never read the book before. It's pretty good. I like... how he talks about the way we look back at stories from our childhood. How they become mythical, you know. Filled with some sort of glamour and meaningfulness, but then if you look back at them later on, they're often not that much (or they are, sometimes, but you have to squint a little bit ^^) I've got books like that, of course. Well I had the Last Unicorn, except not the book, the movie, except not even that. I had a postcard of the movie, with the castle and the redbull and the unicorn and the big wave with little tiny unicorns on it. It belonged to m sister. I don't know - don't remember - if I actually watched the movie when I was little, but probably not. Even though I was obsessed with that postcard, with the story I wove from it. I was drawing unicorns everywhere (i know, not that's outstanding from a little girl), and to this day I feel this is part of the reason why I got into fantasy, science fiction, and mythology, and everything (it was much later when I was a teenager that I actually watched the Last Unicorn and realized I hadn't dreamed the whole thing! before nobody else had even heard of it, and TLU? doesn't even need squinting). There's also all these cartoons I used to watch younger (we ha some real good cartoons in the 80's in France, mostly Japanese and a couple of Franco-Japanese ones), stuff like the Mysterious Golden Cities, and Ulysse 31 (space opera + greek mythology, two great tastes that go well together), and Les Mondes Engloutis, and Cobra (not the one from GI Joe), and many others. Loved these stuff, growing up.
What was your own mythic story when you were growing up? The one that still fills you with nostalgia?

It also got me thinking (okay, this is going very very far from The Princess Bride), about one trope I've always loved, the one about the relationship between a young kid and an ambiguous adult figure, one who's half a mentor or a protector, and half an ennemy. You get that in the Mysterious Golden Cities, with Mendoza (who's one of the most kick ass ambiguous character from a children's cartoon ♥) and Esteban, and you got that in that Japanese cartoon version of Treasure Island (I don't remember if it was as strong in the book) with Long John Silver and Jim. And I was wondering how it related with the Snape/Harry ship. Because it's not relationships I particulary wish to sexualize, generally speaking, but I do find them pariculary fascinating, and I remember really loving them as a kid. I wonder, is it at least a little bit of a trope, generally speaking? Does it play a role about why I like Snarry (when I do like it)? Anyone has any imput about these kinds of relationships (wether sexualized or not)? (ASOIAF gets that in a way, with Arya and her various unsavory protectors : Jaqen H'Gar and Sandor Clegane, and Yoren a little bit. Arya really got a "boy's story", I think, I love that about her).

Anyway, to go back to the Princess Bride, I loved how the book played - even more than the movie - with the way we interprete things that we read. There's something very fanficcy about it. Take the good parts, and write around the missing ones, y'know. Except of course the aesthetics are very different.

There were some stuff I didn't like in the book, but they were mostly the stuff I didn't like in the movie, except in a way even more disturbing in reading them. You know, Buttercup's general uselessness. Part of the parody, but still get me meh. Did love the additionnal background about most characters though.

Oh, and, last Changelings : the Lost soon to be released cover. I'm so excited!

Reading Sirius/Lily fics is the weirdest thing to me. I always expect to hate them - I should. But all of those I've read were strikingly good, sexy and well characterized (which is weird because Sirius betraying James like that should feel like the epitome of wrong, not to mention how everybody-loves-Lily annoy me). I mean I still hate Lily in these fics - which is normal, there's nothing about Lily I should not hate, even when she's well characterized in a way that goes beyond her Sueness - but I also find her very hot. And it's a kind of het that could be so clichéd it should hurt. But it works still. Okay it helps that it's Sirius, which I almost always love. Or maybe it is because all of these fics (the three or four of them ^^) were just that well written.

If Ohtori was a Arthurian legends...

( spoilers for Utena )

I feel very weird today.

Why do I never know how to say the right thing ? Why am I so reluctant to tell people I love them ? Why are the people I care the most for the ones I have the most difficulty to talk to, to really give something ?

I don't use this nickname randomly. I guess, sometimes I just want to remain a stranger. It's safest. Not only because it protects me, but because that means people can't demand things of me. I can be real coward about an area of certain things.

But... there are people I care about, who suffers around me. Who live time of deep grief. And I hate myself for not being able to properly to tell them how sorry I am for them, what their friendship mean in my life, and that I care immensely for them. But I do.

I guess I just have a very hard time dealing with that third of existence that is "Others". I can deal with myself - I think I know my own mind pretty well. And the world - well it is an immensely complicated things, but I love the world, I love life, I love all the things around the sun, all the colours, all the faces. It's cruel and beautiful, and sometimes I don't know if I'm capable of facing it - but I love the world anyway.

With "Others" I'm always misstepping. Dancing along the distance not knowing quite what is the right one. I'm always pretending, wondering "is this proper ?" "is this all right ?" "Is it too close or too far ?" "Do I appear too presumptuous ?"

I have a shitty depth perception when it comes with dealing with relationship.

Yesterday I went back shopping, this time un St Michel, which must be my favourite place in Paris. There's nice architecture (like Notre Dame de Paris and various other old stuff), roleplaying games stores, american comics stores, Gilbert Joseph when you can get cheap english SF books and mangas at bargain sales, and the usual number of clothe and shoe shops. Overall, it's a nice place to spend time on a sunny day.
I got a gift for my mother at a lovely jewellery-New Agey shop : it's a silver necklace with grenat beads. I love grenat, and I love most semi-precious stones. I'm not one for gold and ruby/emerald/diamond/saphir, but give me amber, amethyst, aquamarine, grenat, turquoise etc. and I'm squeaking and drooling like a fangirl in front of a bishi.
I also found several missing volumes of X and one Please Save My Earth at good prices. I do hope to complete my collection soonish.
And last, I got Paladins of Soul my Lois Mc Master Bujold in paperback. Happiness ^_^

Today my mother did a barbecue (however you write that ?) which was very good and my sister came to visit us. Mum liked the gift, even thought she still doesn't believe that Mother's Day was last sunday. : /


You are Hungry!


Which Stereotypical CLAMP emotion are you?
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