stuff I wrote on tumblr
10 Sep 2012 06:34 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
salineaand it was the closest thing to meta I wrote in years so I thought I might as well repost it here:
cleromancy asked: this isn't an assumption so much as something you've explicitly stated, but you're really into fucked up/self destructive relationship dynamics, romantically and otherwise; i'm actually pretty interested in your thoughts on why that appeals to you in fiction, also your thoughts on jealousy/possessiveness of the self-destructive type? :D
Why it appeals to me… oh boy, you’re in for a novel.
I think there are three big axis that make me mainly intrigued by fucked up relationships: power, self-destruction & deconstruction/liminality.
Power is just… I’m very aware of the place power and differences of power and hierarchies has in relationships in general; and I always was. I dunno if most people are less aware to it or if it’s just something that people don’t talk about (i mean, except from the places where they do talk about, like sociology, but I mean from a very casual point of view). So I like it when stories address the elephant in the room. Also i’m kinky. Or perhaps it’s the other way ‘round. Why’s someone into BDSM anyway? Who knows. But asides from plain safe, sane & consensual BDSM; dysfunctional relationships are the best stories to put issues of power and rank at the forefront; I like that.
Self-destruction is just something I very much relate to. I have a huge self-destructive streak, so usually the few characters I identify with are in the same place. Eros/Thanatos stuff especially are big narrative kinks to me. I don’t think I can explain why, but there’s something about the articulation of death and desire which I find utterly fascinating.
The deconstruction/liminality is even more difficult to describe, because it’s very, very abstract. You could say that broadly, it’s an aestheticism I’m into. The breakdown of categories. I do find categories - neat, little boxes you can use to store and manipulate concepts and how they relate to one another - quite neat. But you also always fall onto the time when it does not describe reality, because reality is fucking more complex than any system you try to use to describe it; so there’s always this gap where your system breaks down. There’s always the threshold where things change and they become fuzzy, and vague, and very difficult to take hold of. Moments when the order of things ceases to exist. Just the sense of… complicatedness and nuances. I find it attractive in nondual philosophies, and I find it attractive in deconstructive works of art, and it’s also why I spent some time wondering if I was bigendered because I was fascinated by genderqueer characters in fiction before I realised I’d never felt anything like gender dimorphism; also why I spent too wayyy much time wondering if I was really bisexual or if I just liked the idea. And I also love it in stories that are about… deconstructing such things. In characters - well it joins with the self destructive side of things - I love a story when a character goes through the grinder and is built down, and I also love it when they build themselves back together, although perhaps not in the right way. And with relationships, dysfunctional relationships - hate/love relationship especially and any pairing that can be seen as taboo breaking - really allow you to play with that as well, with how the emotions one feels for other people aren’t something you can easily fit into the boxes, are incredibly and befuddlingly complex.
So that was my thoughts on why I find those interesting XD
jealousy/possessiveness of the self-destructiveness side; hmmmm; I wouldn’t say it’s something I’m very into, one way or another. Certainly I’ve got some important ships where it’s a big factor (I was just rereading The Administration series which plays with that a lot as the only form a personality disordered character feels able to express love and how very, very fucked up that is and not fun - or there’s Seishirou/Subaru, in which Seishirou definitly has all sorts of things about branding Subaru and being possessive in all sorts of fucked up ways) but I wouldn’t say it’s something I kink in itself. I usually roll my eyes a little when I see the “Mine,” he growled sort of dialogues in a fic. Not that I don’t see it working very well from a D/s point of view though. The self-destruction side of it - submission as being a thing to be possessed, as being totally subsumed to it - oh, yeah. The jealousy part, eh. *shrugs*
Envy, however, I think i’m very interested in. One of the big clincher in most of the sibling incest ships I have; Azula/Zuko, Thor/Loki, Sirius/Regulus - Saionji/Touga and Juri/Shiori for a non ‘cestious one (lol, trust me to pick a non incestuous pairings from Utena as an example). I guess in that we’re back to power & rank.
cleromancy asked: this isn't an assumption so much as something you've explicitly stated, but you're really into fucked up/self destructive relationship dynamics, romantically and otherwise; i'm actually pretty interested in your thoughts on why that appeals to you in fiction, also your thoughts on jealousy/possessiveness of the self-destructive type? :D
Why it appeals to me… oh boy, you’re in for a novel.
I think there are three big axis that make me mainly intrigued by fucked up relationships: power, self-destruction & deconstruction/liminality.
Power is just… I’m very aware of the place power and differences of power and hierarchies has in relationships in general; and I always was. I dunno if most people are less aware to it or if it’s just something that people don’t talk about (i mean, except from the places where they do talk about, like sociology, but I mean from a very casual point of view). So I like it when stories address the elephant in the room. Also i’m kinky. Or perhaps it’s the other way ‘round. Why’s someone into BDSM anyway? Who knows. But asides from plain safe, sane & consensual BDSM; dysfunctional relationships are the best stories to put issues of power and rank at the forefront; I like that.
Self-destruction is just something I very much relate to. I have a huge self-destructive streak, so usually the few characters I identify with are in the same place. Eros/Thanatos stuff especially are big narrative kinks to me. I don’t think I can explain why, but there’s something about the articulation of death and desire which I find utterly fascinating.
The deconstruction/liminality is even more difficult to describe, because it’s very, very abstract. You could say that broadly, it’s an aestheticism I’m into. The breakdown of categories. I do find categories - neat, little boxes you can use to store and manipulate concepts and how they relate to one another - quite neat. But you also always fall onto the time when it does not describe reality, because reality is fucking more complex than any system you try to use to describe it; so there’s always this gap where your system breaks down. There’s always the threshold where things change and they become fuzzy, and vague, and very difficult to take hold of. Moments when the order of things ceases to exist. Just the sense of… complicatedness and nuances. I find it attractive in nondual philosophies, and I find it attractive in deconstructive works of art, and it’s also why I spent some time wondering if I was bigendered because I was fascinated by genderqueer characters in fiction before I realised I’d never felt anything like gender dimorphism; also why I spent too wayyy much time wondering if I was really bisexual or if I just liked the idea. And I also love it in stories that are about… deconstructing such things. In characters - well it joins with the self destructive side of things - I love a story when a character goes through the grinder and is built down, and I also love it when they build themselves back together, although perhaps not in the right way. And with relationships, dysfunctional relationships - hate/love relationship especially and any pairing that can be seen as taboo breaking - really allow you to play with that as well, with how the emotions one feels for other people aren’t something you can easily fit into the boxes, are incredibly and befuddlingly complex.
So that was my thoughts on why I find those interesting XD
jealousy/possessiveness of the self-destructiveness side; hmmmm; I wouldn’t say it’s something I’m very into, one way or another. Certainly I’ve got some important ships where it’s a big factor (I was just rereading The Administration series which plays with that a lot as the only form a personality disordered character feels able to express love and how very, very fucked up that is and not fun - or there’s Seishirou/Subaru, in which Seishirou definitly has all sorts of things about branding Subaru and being possessive in all sorts of fucked up ways) but I wouldn’t say it’s something I kink in itself. I usually roll my eyes a little when I see the “Mine,” he growled sort of dialogues in a fic. Not that I don’t see it working very well from a D/s point of view though. The self-destruction side of it - submission as being a thing to be possessed, as being totally subsumed to it - oh, yeah. The jealousy part, eh. *shrugs*
Envy, however, I think i’m very interested in. One of the big clincher in most of the sibling incest ships I have; Azula/Zuko, Thor/Loki, Sirius/Regulus - Saionji/Touga and Juri/Shiori for a non ‘cestious one (lol, trust me to pick a non incestuous pairings from Utena as an example). I guess in that we’re back to power & rank.