(no subject)

[salinea]

The teacher for the class I couldn't work on the paper was very nice today. He wants me to give anything, up until to the finals. Okay. I don't even feel peculiarly relieved, but it's nice.

I have no idea how I'm going to face all that work. Gah.

rahael made a very intesrresting post about when people expose their weakness we tend to bash them even more, we feel embarrassed and we don't want to feel that way.
So true.
Not always of course but yeah. There's so much fear in people, like arethusa said, so much fear to be the next one so we try to ignore what the others feel so we won't get dragged down like they are. And the only way to avoid it is to become a one of the teaser yourself. Victim or boureau, no middle way, there's this place, this time, that I remember in school and probably exists in other ways that teaches us that. To be ashamed of being a victim. It's there in the all the people who ask you, hey, what the hell have you done to be treating like that ? Why, why, why. They ask you. Like you're the one responsible for what happens to you.
And yet, I dislike hearing talk of power and weakness, strength and frailty about that kind of things. You don't have to be weak to be a victim. Not only weak persons are victims. Sometimes they are very strong persons. Sometimes it's the strongest persons who are made victims BECAUSE people cannot stand their strenght. They have to try to bring them down to their level. Being strong is not beating other people up so you won't be one of the victims. Being strong, sometimes, is not even reciprocating when others try to beat you up. Being strong is being faithful to what you are, to who you are, to what you want to be. Not matter what others try to do to bully you.
But the thing about embarrassement when you talk of when you were in a position of weakness, yeah, so true. I guess that's why people on the ATP board used to get upset when Rahael starts talking about her past and her mother. They feel embarrassed. Maybe they wonder... how does she dare talking about that kind of things so openly, isn't she ashamed ?
That shame, God, how I hate it. The one society try to teaches us to feel for when we are in a position of weakness.

I wasn't weak. I was oversensitive, but that's not a weakness. I was crying, but that's not a weakness. I was myself, but that's not a weakness. I refused to take part in some arguments, but that's not a weakness.
It's not when i started to reciprocate to what they did to me, it's not when I tried to bully others, that things got better for me.
It's when i refused to be ashamed of myself, when I stropped blaming myself and trying to find the "cure" for how people saw me. When I thought, I'll be who I am, and its not my fault people treat me that way, it's their problem, not mine.
That's when it started getting better for me.

Comments

[rahael.livejournal.com]

This is a really fantastic post, Ete. I will have to link back to it if that's okay with you, and perhaps continue my answer there tomorrow.

But you're very right to deconstruct the word "weakness" and "strength". The willow that bends in the storm will rise up again. The "weak", who feel things, who bend in the storm are strong, strong in the way it counts. Much more, later, when I'm less exhausted!

[etrangere.livejournal.com]

glad you liked it, thought I think I'be been rambling a bit :) and sure you can link to it, I didn't feel like answering it from your post and their comments for some reason, I'm not sure why. Maybe because it feels so personnal to me. It's a subject I'm very emotionnal about.
Go get some rest :)

A really beautiful post ete

[habibti.livejournal.com]

especially your last paragraph. I think you've highlighted a really important point - that one's own perceptions about oneself can bring about huge shifts in behaviour. That one's position and situation can be viewed in many ways internally without a particular shift in external circumstances.

There's a space or point or moment of stillness inside us that we can reach, through meditations, contemplation, prayer, whatever, that can remained untouched by the perceptions of others. That center is a wonderful place to operate from and a wonderful place to seek refuge from the world. I'm sorry that I missed rah's original post - I'll go search it out now.

Caroline

Re: A really beautiful post ete

[etrangere.livejournal.com]

*nods* Totally agree about that place in yourself that allow you to be free of others' perception. I think all my life I've been searching for this freedom, and yet I am often very aware of my image to others. It's very weird.

[bog-mod.livejournal.com]

So many things you dont notice until someone points them out to you. I will be thinking on this for a while because some very true and important things were said.

[arethusa2.livejournal.com]

I very much agree with what you said about weakness and strength. I am only speaking about myself when I say they picked on me because I was weak. I was so miserable at home that I was utterly vulnerable, with no defenses. It took me a long time to realize that I am actually very strong. (And I promise you, that is the only time I ever hit anybody! She had just hit me and I was so angry that there was a kind of fog before my eyes, and I ended up slapping her neck instead of her face.)

It is strange and sad that people try to feel safe and happy by denying that others suffer.

[etrangere.livejournal.com]

thanks for your comment. Yes, I agree with you. We're only weak because we don't realise how strong we are.

And I guess people ignore others' pain and loneliness because they can't stand it. There's so much of it, and you can't be depressed and concerned all the time. But when you are faced to it, and you ignore it, when you turn your eyes away while you could have done something. I think that's one of the most despisical things people do.