I can be cruel. I don't know why.

[salinea]

There's ice knocking against my window. No snow for us this week, I guess.

When I'm angry, I usually cry. Mostly because I can't express the anger. I can't go and break people things. I can't shout at people's head, because they'd only shout back louder and I'd get even more frustrated and angry at the whole deal. I can't make people people listen or do things.

I don't like being angry, either. You lose all kind of perspective. All objectivity. Anger fuels itself.

Sometimes it's not enough either. So I'm pissed off and crying. Tired and cold. The funny thing is when my mother wants to be comforting and it's the least thing I want because I'm wrathful.

Then again, anger that you keeps tends to fester. Becomes cold, spiteful, disdainful. It slithers somewhere between your heart and your stomach and nests there. Ready to drip venom when it's got the occasion. You don't forgive.

You stop caring. For others like for yourself. You need to remind yourself all the time, all the bloody time, that there's more to it. Something larger, deeper, more resonnant.



I wanted to write something, at some point, this week. About anger and Remus, and Anthy (because they're characters I think are very similar in a way). About the fact that anger was a luxury, and passive agressiveness.
Maybe I'll have the time later. (Isn't it ironic ?)

Comments

[generalblossom.livejournal.com]

Forgetting anger, letting anger go is a gift, but as it says it´s a gift, the ability to let it go feels like chance, something external. I got no clue what is about, but oh boy do I know what you mean in general.

( been very angry this afternoon, but somehow it worked out, though am still mad but a smug mad because it was unfair and scuzzy and all, even if they are taking steps to correct it. Anger can be good sometimes, anger can get you moving to demand to be heard or respected. if you can not let it go, do something with it)

[etrangere.livejournal.com]

Anger can be good sometimes, anger can get you moving to demand to be heard or respected

Yes I know what you mean, sometimes it can be very empowering and righteous, and good to help you deal with things. But, well, sometimes it doesn't work that way :(

thanks for your comment ^_^

[sakuraragi.livejournal.com]

Anger can become quite self-destructive. I usually hold it in until I am able to express it through writing. It's a safer approach than anything physical or verbal. :/

[etrangere.livejournal.com]

Yes, exactly. And yes, I wish I could have the occasion to do that ^_^

thanks for your comment.

[ariss-tenoh.livejournal.com]

I don't think anger is a luxury. I think sometimes you need to feel angry, until it burns itself out of your system. Just don't let it carve a tomb and fester inside you.

[etrangere.livejournal.com]

Yes, that's because it's a need that I think it's a luxury. Because sometimes you can afford to act on your anger, because the consequences would be worse for you than if you just let it go.

thanks for your comment :)

[ariss-tenoh.livejournal.com]

*blinks*
You think needs are luxuries?

[etrangere.livejournal.com]

No. Lol, I'm not expressing myself clearly.

Luxury not in the sense that you can do without, but in the sense that only some people can afford it.

Some people have to do without, they just don't have much of a choice, just like some people do without any of the need we think of as fundamental.

[schemingreader.livejournal.com]

My first story about Remus was all about how afraid he was to express anger. I know that was really me. I have those dreams about yelling at people who have mistreated me. In real life I have a huge voice, very loud--I'm one of the ones you think will shout you down, because I can do that--but sometimes I don't have it in me to yell. Sometimes I don't have it in me to stop yelling, and that's scary too.

People say "let it out" but I'm not sure it works on a pneumatic principle. So perhaps my thought on it is, don't be ashamed or afraid of it, the people you are angry with won't die, and they probably deserve it.

[etrangere.livejournal.com]

I think very often when we write about a character we write about ourselves, without it being Mary-Suesque in the slightest ^_^

I can see being afraid of being angry. I guess I am that, very much, especially the losing control of yourself part of being furious. (Even though I can easily be bitchy usually, when it's impersonnal)

And thank you for your advice, that's very wise. :)

[bramblyhedge.livejournal.com]

Yes, I usually cry when I'm angry too.

[etrangere.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

thanks for your comment :)

[twhitesakura.livejournal.com]

I hope everything's okay and nothing has made you angry lately. For me, being angry is different. I feel empowered when I'm angry, because otherwise I'd just feel hurt and mope around. Of course, after I stop being angry I regret it. It's true, you lose perspective and can end up doing things you normally wouldn't.

And yay for fic! ^_~

[etrangere.livejournal.com]

I'm feeling better now, thanks.

I can see what you mean about it being empowering. And, sometimes, it's like that for me too. But yesterday it wasn't at all.

Fic ? what fic ? Oh, when I said "write something" I meant something essay-ish; sorry to disapoint :)

I hope you're doing okay now, too. And thanks for your coment. :)