Two down,

[salinea]

and I'm already feeling better !

A big Happy Birthday to the extremely sweet tammaiya. Wishing all the best for you, dear <3

Well, after having been depressed, limp and apathetic for more than a week, it seems i might be bouncing back. A little bit. Sorry to everyone for be so scarce lately on livejournal, i didn't want to impose my bad mood on anyone.
Well, I have yet three exams to pass, we'll see... and the va-ca-ti-on ! I don't think I wrote it there already, so I'm going to Vienna with my parents, and we'll then go to Bratislava where we'll meet family we've got who lives there. Then we're going back to Austria, and i'm going to see my boyfriend in Salzburg (we'll go ski too !) Good plans, ne ?

Oh, and because i think it's the first time I post in six days, HAPPY HANNUKAH ! ^_^

I wanted to write an X drabble for hannukah, but of course, I also want to finish a fic for Lynne-san's drabble, and I have to finish all those promised ego boost posts, and I wanna finish the drabble request before i go in vacations.... so we'll see what I can do in one day ^^;;.

I've been wondering a lot about why i've got a LJ lately. I've got a very long flist now, and even if there's no one I want to drop from it, i think it's too much and i wonder how many people don't read what i write. The other thing is, when I started this out, I wanted first to write a diary for myself. Somewhere where I could be honnest with myself and write about my life and general impressions. But now that I communicate with so many of my friends with it, I realize it's become something much different. Where I don't want to post too depressing posts, because I don't want to bore people,. And where I wonder, how can I make reading this enjoyable, how can I present my best ? Those are two very different things, how can I conciliate them ? should I multiply my number of journals like some people do ? I don't really feel like that -_- That also makes me understand why so many people use friend locked and friend filters with their post, while I really didn't like the idea of doing that at first. But, having to hide some parts of myself, having to show only faces of myself by fear of what people may think... I don't want to do that, either. Lots of uncertainty.

Book side, I went on a shopping spree to (unsuccesfuly) try to make up for being down. I got myself the second volume of Tsubasa, the Clamp no Kisoki v1 translated to french and Exalted the Fair Folk.

The Fair Folks looks like a frelling good book. Of course I fell in love just from the splat blurbs. here's one for exemple :

A little girl looked at me and said, "I'm afraid."
I told her, "Little one, even in this Age of Sorrows, there is virtue in mastering your fear. take up your father's sword. Strike me.
Perhaps it will strike true."
Ah ! Was even the Unconquered Sun so proud of his children as I,
when she raised up that blade ? She struck at me, and struck not well,
but I have made the twon a pyre in her name.

and another

I'm sorry. I really am.
You don't have anything more to give me. You've used it all up.
Family, power, talent, health - it's all gone.
I know you need me. And I wish I could give you more. But I can't. All I can do is let you go, set you free of me, send you back to the cold hard world.
You asked me that once, remember ?
It's what you wanted.

I love Exalted's basis on the Fair Folks, that they be more like Practchet's elves than... well, elves that you see anywhere else.
Beauty and cruaulty and a pure alien, voracious mind. Rocking. Plus, Rebecca Sean Borgstrom.

Comments

[angeyja.livejournal.com]

Welcome back. :-)

The LJ wondering bit is something a lot of us seem to do at certain points. So if it helps at all, you are not alone. Best wishes in whatever you decide to do.

[etrangere.livejournal.com]

Thank you ^^

Yes, it does feel like lots of people wonder about it. It's a complicated support for writing, but so powerful, and full of so many possibilities !
Thanks for your support, that's very sweet :)

[halcyon-libra.livejournal.com]

I know how you feel. It's aggravating to have to feel that you must post only what other people want to read. I would say it's fucked up, but then I'm guilty of doing it myself. Your true friends are the ones who will read whatever you have to say. But I support whatever you choose to do in the end.

On a happier note, I'm glad to see you around again. ^_^

[etrangere.livejournal.com]

*nods* yes that's exactly it. I'm usually a self-centered person who does whatever she wants to do no matter what others think, but i like attention as much as anyone else, so I find myself censuring myself more and more XD It's complicated.

And thank you *huggles* I'm glad to be back too... even if it's not for a long time before i have to leave. Been missing you, and everyone ^^

[generalblossom.livejournal.com]

Exalted sounds very cool.

About livejournal, all I can say is that basically you are more interesting than things, no need to feel like you are being paid to be be entertaining. I do not read every word of every post of everybody in my friend´s lists, sometimes is about interests I don´t share, or stuff I do not want to be spoilered about, or am just rushing to much to be able to read everything. Not sure where I am going off with this, but feel free to write about you and how you feel. Taking care is just sensible, we can be furious and the internet is awfully big, awfully wide and awfully long-memoried. I said to a friend once that IMO people having trouble with LJ and "exposing themselves" is usually do to what they say of others ( can not think of you saying anything mean of anyone), not what they say about themselves. If the question goes back to what people think of you or me, it´s not abnormal to care, can you imagine the monstruosity of any ego which would really really not care? it´s ok to care a bit, it makes you non-selfcentred! Makes one understand the impulse to just lurk the whole time, no? But one of the drawbacks of lurking, of not showing things and feelings, is that that way you can never get somebody to say "me too!" or to ever really understand. I guess the balance between personal and non personal is different for everybody, but go ahead work out your own balance giving yourself the freedom to keep the LJ as you want - and remember those options of viewing are your LJ-given unalienable right, don´t feel guilty for using those!

[etrangere.livejournal.com]

Exalted is very cool ! It's all about kicking ass and looking cool while you do it. Well, it's a roleplaying game, of course, not a novel. You never did RPG did you ?

As always you give some incredibly sensible and level headed advices, thank you so much for that ! Not getting people to say "me too", that would be very sad indeed. I love the internet for all the opporunities it provided me to relate with total strangers ^_^ Thank you <3

[iichan.livejournal.com]

Vacation! I'm a bit envious of your little tour; but I'm going to Vienna myself in a week so that makes it better. *laughs* Anyway, good luck with those three exams. n.n

So many times, I want to bitch on my LJ, but then I think... do I really want to shove this nasty stuff on other people's FLists? You get a journal to be able to express yourself, and end up censoring what you have to say. Sad, really.

[etrangere.livejournal.com]

Going to Vienna too, eh ? How cool ! It even sounds like we'll be there at the same time... I wonder if we could meet to take a coffee ^^

It is. LJ is a strange thing XD Well, i usually don't mind seeing people bitching on my flist, at least ;)

[iichan.livejournal.com]

That would be awesome! Alas, hardly possible as it's a one-day school trip on Monday. So I have no influence on where I'll be. XD;;

Ah, I don't either, but I don't like to be pushy. That's probably why i update like once a week.

[etrangere.livejournal.com]

aah, that's too bad :(
well, have fun with your vacations, we might share impressions after while ;)

[meggu.livejournal.com]

:D I will always read what you post. No matter how boring. Or how stupid. I WILL read it. <3

::LOVE::

[etrangere.livejournal.com]

awww you're so sweet <3 *glomps*

[shoiryu.livejournal.com]

I read, even if I don't always comment. ^_~

[etrangere.livejournal.com]

ah, thank you ^^ I read your journal too even if I don't comment either (we're both as bad) XDD

[tammaiya.livejournal.com]

Thank yooooou!

And I tend to think... well, it's your LJ. There will always be posts that some people will skim, because sometimes they're busy or their flist is really full, but you still have the right to post what you want to post. If you're sad about something, then LJ is a good place to talk about it, and the people who care about you will read and reply. Sometimes they give good advice, and it helps to let things out. Basically? If someone finds your post boring, they don't have to read it. There are other people who will, and even then it's there for your benefit, not anybody else's. The only things I don't post- on a filter or anywhere- are things that might hurt someone on my flist's feelings.

Um. I guess I'm kind of rambling, so... *exits stage left*

[etrangere.livejournal.com]

^^ thanks for the common sense advice ! you're very right, when there's something we're just not interested in, we just skim it, nothing terrible to it :)

[heavensgardener.livejournal.com]

*huggles the Etrangere*
I read all your posts. I just suck at commenting.

[etrangere.livejournal.com]

*hugs* thank you, dear ^^ yeah sometimes it's difficult coming up with a good comment ^^

[bramblyhedge.livejournal.com]

Basically I only joined LJ to follow my friends (formerly we were all bloggers), and so my priority was to keep communcating with them rather than having rants & such for myself (I still kept my blog & post my rants there).

It's hard to know, really...sometimes I sit there for a minute with my finger ready to click on "post" considering whether I should have said what I just said & whether I want everybody to see it or just a few (I agree, the filters & locks are not something I'm into doing. Don't like to feel that I have to hide things). But I should add that I only skip entries that are about fandoms I'm not into -- all the rest of my friends list I will make time to read every day, even the "what I had for breakfast" ones (I routinely try to reply to as much as possible, but that's difficult to do every day^^ Or if I do reply, it's just a short quick note & not a nice detailed response. *sigh* Oh, for more time...)

Anyway! Good luck for your exams! *supportive hug* It's good that you've got a lovely holiday to look forward to (I've heard Vienna is amazing). ^__^

[etrangere.livejournal.com]

thanks for your answer. Interesting ^^ aaah blogs allowing for different kind of journals that's another solution ! I think i do the same as you as far as reading goes, unless i'm really rushed out of time I read everything as long as I know the fandom...
And thanks for the good luck ^^ Yeah I look forward to Vienna, even if i'lm afraid at how much cold it will be >_>

[bramblyhedge.livejournal.com]

Oh yes, brrrrrr *shivers* the weather really puts me off travelling at this time of year.^^

[kakushi-miko.livejournal.com]

I'm so glad you're back! *hugs* I was getting a bit worried , but yay because you're feeling better now! ^^
I understand what you mean, because I also worry about what I write on my LJ (or actually my comments to other posts because I really don't update my LJ that often...^^;). I don't think that depressing posts are boring, because everyone has their ups and downs, which makes up who they are. Don't worry too much about presenting your best or making your LJ enjoyable for everyone to read. It's your LJ and you have the right to express yourself, and if other people don't like it, well, they always have the right to not read it. Those who care about you will enjoy everything you write.
Now that I've probably repeated what everyone else said, I'm done rambling. ^^;
But good luck on your exams and have lots of fun on your vacation!

[etrangere.livejournal.com]

thank you, you're sweet *huggles*

hehe, it's too bad you don't post more on LJ, i'd like to learn more about you <3
You're right, you're right *nods decissively* if i'm depressed and feel like sharing, i'll post about it on my LJ ^^ !

thank you and thank you ^_^

[kakushi-miko.livejournal.com]

=^.^=
*sigh* I really should...but being the lazy person that I am, I just often don't feel like posting because it takes a lot more effort to write a meaningful entry of your own than to respond to what someone else has written. Also, I always feel like there's nothing interesting to talk about because it's the same things every day--exams, stress, projects, homework, reports, more stress...>.< But I'll definitely try to post more, so people will know more of what's going on with me. ^^
you're welcome x2!!