Do not go gentle

[salinea]

Lately it feels like more and more people are leaving LJ. It's been getting to me a lot. I really hate this. I hate people saying they're leaving and deleting their journals, I hate realising that people have just vanished out and not updated their journals for months or years, too. It feels like most of the life out of LJ (or DW for that matter) has been extinguished, I don't think I see enthusiasm much anymore elsewhere than in kink memes and other forms of anonymous memes (which frankly, I was never very fond of). I think a big part of it is, fandom has spread itself in other places, across different dimensions. Tumblr is great for fanart, gifs and more stream of consciousness squeeing (despite how much I hate the tumblr interface as well as the way people socialize on it and that is A WHOLE FUCKING LOT, and the more I use tumblr - I made an account a couple of months ago - the more I hate it :p); more in depth text based meta, reviews etc. are on various blogs, I guess. Fics are more simple to post on archives. Recs are handled via delicious (yes, despite the last debacle). And - what I miss most - the networking and befriending people based upon fandom, I guess maybe it's happening elsewhere too, on facebook or twitter or somewhere else I don't know about. But, and it's funny, that was one thing I used to criticise LJ for - the way it was mixing a whole lot of different things in the same place, the way it made us have to jungle all those things at the same time, the intersection of those spheres - which was sometimes unwieldy - but in retrospect feels like it was very productive in social interaction. Conversations bouncing from one journal to another, filled with ideas and joy and depth and silliness and resonance - when's the last I've seen that?

These days it doesn't feel like we get much into great conversations anymore. I dunno, maybe it happens elsewhere that what I pay attention to. I've been through a lot of fandoms - maybe too many - and at the same time I've always refused to follow the bandwagon of the next Big Fandom everyone else was following unless I was, you know, genuinely interesting in that big fandom (and most often I wasn't so much, instead I was more into skipping to another media/genre altogether!), which doesn't help keeping ties. And the biggest problem, I've really sucked about keeping my journal lively either, and I've deeply sucked at keeping lively conversation with others on their journals as well. Oh, I've done a lot of perfunctionary updating, so to speak, quick, shallow comments; and silly memes and I've tried to keep talking about fannish stuff - but... I haven't put in it a lot of myself into it. Big part of that was just depression, and not knowing how to deal with situation in life. I don't want to talk about this much. I don't like talking about it. It feels too shameful, and too vulnerable, and too embarrassing all at the same time. And as far as commenting, I have felt way too out of my depth as well as too numb often enough to have anything to say to people. And I always try to escape spirals of self loathing the same way, with avoidance and escapism; which hasn't ended very profitable for social interaction.

But I still treasure all those things. The friendships I have here - brittle and narrow though some of them may be - and the potential for fannish interactions. I depend on it so much. Maybe that is where I err wrong. Of course, things fall apart. Of course, people drift apart - that's not even a specifically fannish thing. Of course, people jump into the newest thing, and sometimes the newest thing isn't the newest fandom, or the newest kind of fanwork exchange, or the newest meme - sometimes it's the newest platform. What do you gonna do. Heh, it's not like I'm unlikely to jump onto the newest thing when it is to my taste, either.

Not sure where I am going with that. I guess I'd just like to have a reason to be hopeful about fannish networking, here or elsewhere, in a way that isn't just about clinging after past glories. Tell me there is some?

Comments

[ambyr]

I guess I'd just like to have a reason to be hopeful about fannish networking, here or elsewhere, in a way that isn't just about clinging after past glories. Tell me there is some?

I'm getting more comments and conversations on my posts now than I have been in the last couple years. Mostly it's been a matter of taking the initiative and friending people, of accepting that people have moved on and going in search of people who haven't.

I do miss past glories, but for me that's not really fannish stuff. I got into LJ because it's where all my RL friends were (fandom came way later), and I miss having the window into their lives that their LJ posts gave me. Now they're all on Facebook and Twitter and G+, and I may know what they had for lunch every day of the week but I don't have their three-page ramblings on their mental state. I miss that. And unlike the fannish friends, I can't just go in search of new people; they still are my RL friends. I just don't have the same insight into their psyche any more :-/.

[salinea]

Mostly it's been a matter of taking the initiative and friending people, of accepting that people have moved on and going in search of people who haven't.
That's a great point, and, err, usually I'm good with that? I mean, i do friend people fairly regularly. But even so-even so... I dunno. Maybe it's just a few friends I have a harder time letting go of, right now.

got into LJ because it's where all my RL friends were (fandom came way later), and I miss having the window into their lives that their LJ posts gave me. Now they're all on Facebook and Twitter and G+, and I may know what they had for lunch every day of the week but I don't have their three-page ramblings on their mental state. I miss that. And unlike the fannish friends, I can't just go in search of new people; they still are my RL friends. I just don't have the same insight into their psyche any more :-/.
Oh, my. Yeah, that sucks. Who cares about what they eat or whatever? But yeah, that's part of what I meant. I mean... I haven't written about what's in my mind, in my dreams for so long even on LJ. Even when I post about being depressed it's... all that I tell really. That I'm depressed. There is three pages rambling INDEED.

[la_vie_noire]

Dude. I feel you. But I thought I was the one who vanished and people went to other communities while I was absent or something.

[salinea]

Haha, I don't think I ever vanished, so those people must have been really sneaky when they did that.

[sophiap]

I feel so much the same way. I'm not sure where the interaction has gone. I really hate what Facebook and Tumblr have done to turn discussion into little more than a chorus of "me too!"

[salinea]

Urgh, yeah. It really feels like the internet is moving into places that feel so much more impersonal. You don't need to put thoughts into a comment, you can just "like" it without any real personal interaction. I dunno, I guess sometimes it's great and it works, like I love the kudos function on AOOO, and I think sometimes on tumblr (and facebook I guess, I've never hanged out there though so I wouldn't know) it is useful, but other times it makes you feel like you can't really talk anymore. Earlier on I tried to disagreed with someone on tumblr - it wasn't a "you are so WRONG" kind of disagreement, it was "i find your discussion interesting and I wish to take parts by bringing those nuances and counter points to what you were saying", you know? But by the way the person reacted, it felt like on tumblr even that was a huge faux pas. x_x urgh.

[umadoshi]

I've found I really enjoy Tumblr and check it a lot for the random bursts of Shiny Things, but I can't conceive of it being a replacement for LJ/DW. (Same with Twitter. Less so with Facebook, since I use it but actively dislike it. >.< It's just the only online spot where a lot of my friends are, which drives me up the wall.)

Personally, I keep hoping that part of the reason for my flists being quieter now is that my fandoms are fairly inactive (;_;) and that if I fall hard for something else I'll find a place for it here. But I don't know.

Anyway, I have no intentions of wandering off for greener pastures, especially since I don't think there are any. LJ's been my fannish home in a way nothing else has since Usenet, and the format of interaction is my favorite by far.

[salinea]

I love finding great pics on tumblr, I do. I mean, I don't enjoy it, because I find being on tumblr deeply uncomfortable in terms of interface, but I love what you can find there :) but no, it's really not an adequate replacement.


Well... I'm in some more active fandoms right now (more or less into them), and they are definitely lively enough in their own way. But... I dunno, I don't feel like it is the same as some truly active fandoms were in their days? And I'm doubtful it has long lasting potential? And maybe I have a hard time connecting with new fen there, for a variety of reasons.

Anyway, yay that you're still around and staying :)

[jiawen]

I don't think we interact here much (you and I), but I definitely read a lot of what you write, and I feel the same way quite often. I can't use Facebook, and a lot of other platforms bug me for various reasons. Even RPGnet is pretty hard to put up with a lot of the time. But that's where the people and the communities are. It's very frustrating.

[salinea]

always glad to know people read :)


I find very hard to enjoy myself on rpg.net lately as well. Some of it is, I guess I'm much more irritated easily by a lot of things so I find most threads on RPG.net either depressing or enraging, and the rest is even discussion threads on topics I'm interested seem to be falling by the wayside. I dunno why :(

[rosehiptea.livejournal.com]

I can't exactly reassure you because I'm not sure myself.

I don't have a Tumblr, because I don't "get" it much and anyway my main fandom expression is fic and even Tumblr enthusiasts seem to agree it isn't much good for that.

I guess I could put up a Tumblr with pics of some of the musicians I've been fangirling (I fangirl real people for once!) but I find them all on Facebook and Google Image Search so that would pretty silly.

But I need my friendships here, partly because I fail at real-life friendship. I don't mean that's OK or the main thing I should do about it is hang on to my online friends. Yet they are my friends and the idea that they might suddenly decide to go away really does scare me.

I do absolutely think there is still fannish interaction out there! I just don't know what's really going on, exactly.

[etrangere.livejournal.com]

yeah, I think tumblr is really not on my wavelength either. I love finding cool pics there, but after I found them, I go and post them on a forum so my friends there can enjoy them, you know? XD


But I need my friendships here, partly because I fail at real-life friendship. I don't mean that's OK or the main thing I should do about it is hang on to my online friends. Yet they are my friends and the idea that they might suddenly decide to go away really does scare me.
Yes, yes! That's exactly how I feel. I really fucking suck at real-life friendships (and that's not even to mean in the flesh, the only irl friendships that function for me are the ones that coincide with fannish interests with a large definition of the latter), so this is all I have, and I don't want to lose it.

Hahaha, it is a big mystery, where it is!

[laurus-nobilis.livejournal.com]

I for one still like LJ/DW/etc. I like Tumblr, too, but I don't get how so many people see it as a replacement for journal-based blogging sites. It's completely different and, for me at least, it fulfills different fannish needs.

So I don't think fannish networking on this kind of sites is ever really going away. Not completely, at least. There are some kind of interactions that can only happen (or can happen more easily, at least) on journal-based sites.

[etrangere.livejournal.com]

No, I agree with you it can't be a full scale replacement, and I wasn't trying to blame tumblr or anything (I know I've seen discussions along those lines some time ago, that's not really what I wanted to address); but to me it seems that LJ/DW interactions are dying out, slowly but inexorably, and it is starting to freak me out.

[angerfish.livejournal.com]

Tumblr is more to my taste than lj is (not sure why, though I joke about instant gratification) and like Lina the fandoms I'm currently most interested in have like zero life on livejournal.

That said... I'm having a good time over on tumblr, but the thought of lj withering away is pretty damn sad to me too. Because, yeah, I do consider the connections/friendships I've made over here to be real and to here less from people just because the medium is fading away is depressing.

[etrangere.livejournal.com]

Because, yeah, I do consider the connections/friendships I've made over here to be real and to here less from people just because the medium is fading away is depressing.
Yeah, there's no other words for it. :(

[http://users.livejournal.com/_profiterole_/]

Moi aussi, je me demande où sont passés les gens. L'activité s'est réduite un peu partout sur LJ. Je ne suis pas sur DW, mais je pense que la plupart de ceux qui y sont crosspostent, comme tu le fais, donc ce n'est pas ça.

Je lurke un peu sur Tumblr, c'est joli, mais je ne vois pas vraiment comment ça peut remplacer LJ. Et Twitter encore moins. C'est très étrange.

[etrangere.livejournal.com]

Vi. :'(

[aiffe.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I'm with you here.

And honestly, half of fandom going to Dreamwidth for Moral Reasons didn't help. The LJ format was kind of on its way out in the English-speaking world as it is (in Russia it's like Facebook...maybe I should learn Russian) and I don't think it could really survive being split. Neither LJ or DW seems to be as active as LJ was before DW. I know DW isn't the only factor, but it is a factor.

(And blah blah blah crossposting you're not really taking content ~away~ except you are because of communities, and friendslocking being completely borked, and comments being split into two places so commenters can't interact with one another easily, or commenting being disabled on LJ and surprise you're not even authorized to go on that person's DW page so fuck you I guess I won't comment then. *ahem* Not you personally, I have just...run into this. And more than one friend who is all on DW now who just does not read me anymore, or says they crosspost but then I find more posts of theirs on DW than they had on LJ and like what gives I thought we were tight.)

/drama

As for tumblr, I do occasionally get into moods and like, read an entire tumblr just because there's awesome on it, but I somehow just never get the urge to make an account, watch other people's tumblrs, or certainly not post my own content. (For a certain value of "own content," considering, tumblr.) For me it's like lolcats--I occasionally binge on it, then it's out of my system. If I did it too much, it wouldn't amuse me as much. I know that's weird, but there's like, a saturation point of macros where after a while they stop being remarkable.

LJ is really one of the few sites I just check regularly. And like checking. I don't know.

A little while ago, I read a post from an old-school fan (on her private website) about why she will never like Livejournal. She just hated the whole format of it, period. What she liked? Mailing lists. She waxed poetic about the joys of mailing lists. And I realized that every culture has its day. Back in her day, mailing lists were the best thing out there, and the relationship she had with them is a relationship she couldn't replicate with Livejournal. Just as the relationship I have with Livejournal is one I can't replicate with Tumblr, Twitter, Facebook, et al. And the kids just discovering the joys of Tumblr, won't they be sad five or ten years from now when fandom moves on to something new and exciting. Nothing can compare to your first fandom, to the days of your youth.

And yet...here I am. I can't give up fandom, but I can't adapt to the changes. I can't keep up and I won't go away, so what does that make me? A relic, maybe, or just in denial. Maybe I'll cave when LJ really does feel empty, wander into Tumblr and just feel...old and misplaced and lost.

If I have moved anywhere, it's been partially into silence, and partially into IM. I tend to just pour out my feelings to my buddies on AIM and MSN and so forth, rather than posting them to my journal. I guess part of it is my very open friending policy, where I would just friend anyone and everyone...and somehow, my flist came to be a bunch of strangers. Maybe I should do something about that. In some ways it's a betrayal of the enthusiasm of my younger self. But I've already betrayed most of the things my younger self was.

Maybe LJ has changed because we've changed, and we don't even realize it.

[http://users.livejournal.com/_profiterole_/]

or commenting being disabled on LJ and surprise you're not even authorized to go on that person's DW page so fuck you I guess I won't comment then

This! I just don't understand why they do it. I guess you could always send them a PM, but it feels like the other person doesn't care what you think any more anyway...

[twhitesakura.livejournal.com]

I miss the interaction I have with people on LJ too. Some people have faded away or moved onto different platforms. I haven't really been able to connect very well in the new fandoms I'm in.

And I understand it being difficult to talk about certain things. I'm still glad to have your comments. They're never silly to me. *hugs*

[etrangere.livejournal.com]

I haven't really been able to connect very well in the new fandoms I'm in.
Yes, me too, at least a little bit, I worry about that, as well.


And I understand it being difficult to talk about certain things. I'm still glad to have your comments. They're never silly to me. *hugs*
Thank you so much, *hugs* I just get frustrated about myself because I care but I don't really know what I can say to be helpful and arrrrgh.

[oaktree89.livejournal.com]

*applause gif*

I completely hear all of this. And don't worry, even though I haven't been around much, I'll come back after exams are over!

[etrangere.livejournal.com]

That's great to hear! You're one of my favourite person among the people I've friended recently so I'd hate to see you vanish away. Best of luck with your exams :)

[sakanagi.livejournal.com]

I haven't been updating much lately. That's something I want to sort out, since I do value my friendships with people on LJ. I've been feeling a bit down for a while now, and that tends to lead to less talking.

The way that Tumblr/twitter and maybe other places have sucked in a lot of fandom is a bit disturbing. Although I don't use those places myself, I have worried a bit about fandom dispersing to them and to newer places. But I wonder if it's really as bad as it looks? I know there are still plenty of great people around here who don't seem to be going anywhere. What I do wonder is how many people are coming into fandom on LJ/DW and so forth, because it's healthy for fandom numbers to replenish themselves.

[etrangere.livejournal.com]

What I do wonder is how many people are coming into fandom on LJ/DW
That's a very good and pertinent question. I think that may be a bigger factor overall.

[sistermagpie.livejournal.com]

It seems like a lot of people on my flist--including me--have been noticing this lately. It seems like it's been happening for a while and it's gotten to a point where it can't be ignored. I hate it--Tumblr definitely doesn't work the same way.

[etrangere.livejournal.com]

Yes, i've seen those feelings talked about; as well as the people saying they were kinda (or totally) leaving. I find it very disheartening.

[manicr.livejournal.com]

I'm afaid I have to agree with you on this whole. Issue. LJ is getting quieter and less active and as far as I've seen Dreamwidth isn't much better. I'm bad at being active on either of my accounts and most of the stuff I post as at one or two coms, which are regrettably to "dying" fandoms as well.

I like LJ. I've had fun here and talked both fandom and IRL and had kinda friendships. I haven't seen this kind of interaction elsewhere either. Tumblr I keep half an eye on for pics but its not a good interaction site for me. I'm not a big facebooker either.

Dunno what I'm gonna do either, so I guess I'll just stick around as long as I find someone to talk and interact with.

[etrangere.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I'm sticking with it. Glad you are too :)

[hamsterwoman]

It has been fairly slow, and I do think some of that is due to fandom stuff bleeding off to tumbler or twitter or wherever... but on my flist it also seems to be as much because of what's going on in people's lives outside of LJ, so, not sure how much is due to which.

I certainly haven't found any platform that does the mixture of fandom space and actually getting to know the people in it like LJ does, so very much hoping it's just one of those cyclical things.

[etrangere.livejournal.com]

Yeah, like I was saying, I think there's also a generational aspect to it. People who got into fandom when they were coming of age are overall the people who make some of the most active contribution, and some of those people were just never going to be in fandom for life, and they're coming to the age when other stuff takes precedence, so they let fandom and livejournal falls behind naturally.

I certainly haven't found any platform that does the mixture of fandom space and actually getting to know the people in it like LJ does
Yes! That's exactly what LJ does best (okay, you can get a bit of that on some forums too), and I'm starting to miss out!

[williamjm.livejournal.com]

This reminds of a post a friend of mine made a few weeks ago about how he thought it was a shame Livejournal appears to be slowly dying and everyone is now using Facebook instead, since Facebook is currently struggling with many problems that Livejournal had at least partially solved before Facebook had even invented. For example, it's much easier to control privacy or make sure you see what you want to see than it is on Facebook. Of course, he made that post on Facebook not Livejournal because that's where more people seem to be now.

I agree it's a shame that LJ seems to be in a long, steady decline. Facebook and Twitter are both essentially limited to very short posts, and although I maybe haven't spent enough time looking at to judge properly, I don't see the attraction of Tumblr.

[etrangere.livejournal.com]

Of course, he made that post on Facebook not Livejournal because that's where more people seem to be now.
Hahaha! *cries*

tumblr is definitly for short posts too.

I dunno, there's blogging too, for longer posts, but it's very impersonal, you don't really get to become friends with people from those. You barely comment to one another, in my experience.

[xraytheenforcer.livejournal.com]

I've resigned myself to having fewer online friends, because I am uninterested in the extremely superficial interactions offered up by Facebook, and many of the other social interaction platforms (Tumblr, Twitter, etc) are little better. In fact, after using both Tumblr and Twitter, I can safely say that I will only use them to pimp myself when I decide to eventually go freelance. It certainly isn't useful for interaction on any meaningful level.

Anyway, so I know how you feel. <3

[etrangere.livejournal.com]

I'm not surprised, but I'm sad to learn that those platforms are indeed as shallow for social interactions as I was expecting :(

[sandoz-iscariot.livejournal.com]

They'll take my livejournal when they pry it from my cold, dead hands! It's definitely been the biggest influence on how I approach fandom and the internet (communities! friends-lock! LJ notes!) and I met one of my very best friends through LJ, so I can't imagine ever leaving.

I think social media's general shift away from "journaling" to micro-blogging has had negative effects on fandom; there seems to be a lot less meta and in-depth conversations these days, maybe because so many of us now are used to reblogs and 140 characters and bite-size status updates? I don't mean to sound like "GET OFF MY LAWN" because this is The Way of the Internet, but it's always a bit sad when people and communities drift away.

[williamjm.livejournal.com]

I think one of the disadvantages of Facebook, Twitter and Tumblr, is that the way social interaction works on those platforms is driven by how the technology works (most obviously by the 140-character limit) - it should really be the other way around, the technology should be shaped by how we want to interact.

[elle-white.livejournal.com]

I like Tumblr and LJ/DW, but for different reasons. For me, Tumblr is a place for the easy sharing of photos and information. But LJ and DW are places for discussion, meta and fic sharing. I know others who do those things on Tumblr. LJ and DW are far better mediums for those sort of things. Besides, many of my closest online friends only exist on LJ /DW. So, I definitely wouldn't want to leave.

While things have been very quiet on LJ, I still have a fairly active f-list, which I'm thankful for.

I also have a facebook, but I'm not as fond of it as I am other places. I really only stay their because it's pretty much the only place online that rl friends hang out on.

[etrangere.livejournal.com]

Yes, they are best tailored to different things.

You're lucky your flist is still very active is there any comms & people you'd rec me?

*using this icon cause it's LJ hehe*

[dizilla.livejournal.com]

I like tumblr for many things, but NOT for fandom. Lots of ways to get your work reposted w/o your name on 'em. Happens to my artist friend all the time. Sure, I love the macros, but meta and stories? Hello no. I want that in an easy format if not a fic archive than of course lj/dw.

I don't understand FB rpging. I do understand twitter rpging but that pretty much died down. Twitter, yeah I do connect with people a lot more in more than just fandom stuff.

I def understand how hard it is to keep up with commenting on people's journals or making posts. For me, def not really lack of time just lack of motivation, but I know I've been in and out of a light depression for quite some time now.

And yeah, I'm seeing in the new fandoms and some of the older ones, how less and less participation's happening. Even as people fly from fandom to fandom, they're still not doing much (in BROAD general terms). It would be one thing if they were moving to dw more, but it's not. *shrug* Maybe, hopefully, it's all a cycle and it'll come back, cause I don't think this platform is dead.

At any rate, *hugs* I'll always try to be around in some format. =D

Re: *using this icon cause it's LJ hehe*

[etrangere.livejournal.com]

Lots of ways to get your work reposted w/o your name on 'em.
Hahah yeah, I bet. One of the reason I don't post more on there is because if I wanted to I'd have to either be more organised in terms of keeping track of where I find a pic from, or stop caring about such things as crediting people.

For me, def not really lack of time just lack of motivation, but I know I've been in and out of a light depression for quite some time now.
Yeah, that can be a pretty big issue, I've been there at times. *hugs*

Yay for you still being around :D

[q99.livejournal.com]

Out of all the big social network stuff, lj is easily my favorite.

Paragraphs, instead of sentences or one-liners :)

And yea, I hate it when people drift away too.

[etrangere.livejournal.com]

Hehe, not that I always dislike short posts but yeah. Having the luxury of length is sometimes very neat :)

[haremstress.livejournal.com]

Tumblr straight-up depresses me sometimes, because I feel like I'm just floating in this anonymous void... there's no way to have a real back-and-forth conversation in the way that LJ (or any forum for that matter) provides. I really miss the networking and community aspect of LJ. If there's anything remotely approaching the function of LJ communities on tumblr, I haven't found it yet.

Not a hopeful comment at all, just joining you in your grieving. :/

[etrangere.livejournal.com]

Tumblr straight-up depresses me sometimes, because I feel like I'm just floating in this anonymous void...
Yes! This! That is one of the big reasons I hate it!

Oh well, I guess we'll yet find a way to make you stay around here then! :)

[aural-stimulatn.livejournal.com]

I think it's so funny that you posted this, because as I was logging on today, I was thinking about how LJ is not what it used to be. And I like Tumblr allright, but you're right, it's not the same kind of interface at all. I'm not willing to leave LJ. I like it here, I know how to work it, and it makes me so sad to see people jumping ship.

I had an LJ from like 1999 (when you still needed invite codes!) til 2007, and then I took a break. When I came back, nearly every single one of my 52 friended journals was abandoned. I had to start a new one, because it was too sad to deal with!

I don't know, I keep hoping these journal sites come back around with a second wind.

[etrangere.livejournal.com]

hahaha, great minds!!


I had an LJ from like 1999 (when you still needed invite codes!) til 2007, and then I took a break. When I came back, nearly every single one of my 52 friended journals was abandoned. I had to start a new one, because it was too sad to deal with!
Oh my! That's so depressing, a journal full with a dead flist :(

I hope they do too. I really like the format (mostly!)

[curtana.livejournal.com]

I'm not leaving LJ anytime soon either, because of the flist interactions that I value here. But I'm much less active in fandom communities than I used to be, and I don't really feel the need to seek out new ones to get involved in. I guess part of me questions whether that sort of fandom interaction on the whole has given me more enjoyment or more grief. I really like some of the people I've encountered through fandom (like you!) but the levels of stupid/drama/wank/frustration are, I've decided, more than I need to endure :/ Maybe it's just a cycle I'm going through, I don't know. Maybe I'll find a new fandom someday where my squee can surpass my grumpiness. And if I did, I would hope I'd find it on LJ.

[etrangere.livejournal.com]

I guess part of me questions whether that sort of fandom interaction on the whole has given me more enjoyment or more grief. I really like some of the people I've encountered through fandom (like you!) but the levels of stupid/drama/wank/frustration are, I've decided, more than I need to endure :/
Oh, that's really unfortunate :( I'm sorry you've had to go through that sort of things.

I think I've been mostly lucky in terms of fandom drama. I've never had to suffer being right in the middle of a big kerfuffle, the sort that would feel very hurtful. Lots of irritation, at times, but nothing that felt fandom specific.

I hope you find that fandom sometimes :)